Lead and Protect
by C0ldSteel
Summary: A dark, angsty story about Eren and Levi. If you need a happy story, this is not it. However, I promise it does not have a miserable ending. Levi discovers that something has happened to Eren, something that happened to Levi years ago. Now he must use the painful memories of his past to help Eren deal with his present.
1. Signs of Foul Play

_My second AoT story. Likely to be a long, angst-ridden one. Lots and lots of angst. If you can't take it, find something in another genre. There will also be slash elements; haven't decided exactly all those points yet, but wanted to warn you._

 _SPOILERS: If you haven't watched the OVA's, you will be spoiled by this story. Go watch the OVA's first, and if you have the stomach for more angst, come back. ^_-_

* * *

"Damned inspections," Levi muttered. "As if they care what the hell we do out here - as long as we go out from time to time and throw our lives away..."

"It's different now," Erwin reminded him. "They don't trust Eren. They're afraid of him."

The pair halted outside the small wooden building that served as a jail for soldiers awaiting court martial.

"I know." Levi looked the building over. "That's what this is for... but it's stupid to keep the kid locked up when he could flatten this matchbox in a split second if he turned Titan in the night. Surely even they can see that."

"Let's hope they can't. If we're lucky, he won't have to stay another night in there. I'll go ahead to the office; you bring Eren along as soon as you can get him ready. We don't want to be late."

Levi nodded. He entered the make-shift jail and saluted the men on duty. "I'll take over Jaeger's custody from here," he told them. "You're dismissed."

The men nodded to him and filed out, the ranking officer handing Levi his keys as he passed.

Levi looked over at the first holding cell and saw that Eren was still in his bunk. "Tch. Must be nice to be a prisoner," he said sarcastically. "Planning to sleep until noon?" He found the correct key and opened the cell door.

Eren shifted under the covers a bit, but didn't come out.

"Really, Jaeger?" Levi waited a moment. "Trust me, you don't want me to come in there and get you."

"I-I'm sorry, sir," Eren said, emerging at last, his chains clinking. "I wasn't asleep. Just... didn't want to face the world yet." He chuckled as if to dismiss his behavior, but there was a certain lack of mirth in his expression.

Levi frowned as the younger man came toward him and held out his manacles to be unlocked. As he removed the heavy cuffs, Levi saw that Eren's wrists were raw and looked as if they had been bleeding a day or two ago... but they had been fine when Levi saw him locked up the night before. "What's this?"

"I, uh..." Eren's face turned pink. "Guess I moved around a lot in my sleep."

It was clearly an excuse. Levi knelt to free Eren's ankles. They were in the same state as his wrists. Eren healed quickly; something had caused him to severely damage himself to the extent that evidence of the injuries was still there now...

Levi straightened and looked Eren in the eye. "What the hell happened?"

Eren's blush deepened. "I... I acted stupid. I guess I panicked. Tried to get out. I didn't turn; I just... wanted to get out."

"Claustrophobia?"

"Y-yeah." Eren looked down.

"Bull shit."

Eren's eyes widened a little. Then they filled with tears. He didn't look up.

"What aren't you telling me?" Levi demanded. "Answer me."

"Please, Captain..." Eren reached up to wipe away a tear, but another escaped on the other side before he could stop it. "I'm not withholding important information; I promise." He rubbed his wrists in a compulsive-seeming way.

"Someone did something to you," Levi guessed. The way Eren started and hesitated confirmed his theory. "Who was it? What did they do and when did they do it? Tell me now," he prompted firmly.

Eren shuddered. "Please don't. Don't ask me." His voice was small. He seemed to shrink before Levi's eyes.

"Shit," Levi said under his breath. He knew that look. That hunted, helpless look. Not because he had seen it before, but because he had had that feeling before, himself.

He put his hands on Eren's shoulders to steady him. He was mildly surprised when Eren stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Levi.

"Oh, god," Eren whispered. "If I tell you, they'll... they said they'd hurt Mikasa and Armin. They'll do it, sir. Please, I can't let that happen."

"Nothing will happen to your friends," Levi promised. "Trust me. Let me help you."

For a while, Eren couldn't seem to form any intelligible words. Levi led him to a chair and let him down into it. "Take your time," he said.

"We'll be late," Eren rasped.

It was true; the visiting inspectors wouldn't be impressed if the titan-boy couldn't even appear to a meeting on time. Levi sighed. "All right, look: we're going to this meeting and then you're going to tell me everything that happened last night. I'm sorry to make you dread that during the interview, but I guess it will make facing those god-awful higher-ups a little less intimidating."

"You... you can make sure Mikasa and Armin are safe?"

"I can. I swear."

Eren sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Never mind... hurry and get dressed. I'll wait outside."

"Yes, sir."

Levi walked briskly out the door and closed it behind him, leaning on it. He closed his eyes. "Shit," he whispered again. What had sucked a little this morning royally sucked now. Eren was in no state to face the inspectors. Even if he somehow managed to satisfy them, how would Levi persuade him to explain what had happened? Would he be able to prove it satisfactorily enough for Erwin to allow him to take action? Could he really ensure Mikasa and Armin's safety every moment of every day?

 _I have to. I promised him. One step at a time._ Getting him to talk would be difficult. He wouldn't be able to catch the offenders red-handed. Eren wouldn't spend another night in lockup if Levi had anything to say about it, and whoever was responsible for this wouldn't have a good enough opportunity to try again. Eren wasn't exactly the most popular of the Scouts, but he had plenty of comrades who would stand up for him if they saw that he was in trouble.

 _It wasn't like that for me._ No one had liked Levi when he joined the Scouting Legion. No one but Farlan and Isabel. When they were gone, there was no one to watch his back. No one he could trust. In the underground he had despised so much, he had been king of his little world. Once he got to the surface and was allowed to stay, he was nothing to anyone. Less than dirt. Fate was a cruel mistress.

* * *

 _More from Levi's past in the next chapter. It's not going to get more lighthearted for some time. If this is hinting at stuff you don't think you can handle, please turn back now. I don't want to trigger or squick anyone or give you nightmares.  
_


	2. History Repeats Itself

_Same warnings and spoiler alerts as before. Serious OVA spoilers.  
_

* * *

Levi was despised by the other Scouts. He didn't care. Farlan and Isabel were gone. The others gossiped about how he was the only survivor of his patrol, how he had failed to save anyone but himself. He didn't stop them; they were right. They made life difficult for him when he was away from the eyes of their superiors. He probably deserved that; there was no point in reporting anything to someone who probably hated him as much as his peers did.

He conducted himself as he had always done, mainly because he didn't know how to change his routine at this point. It kept him from having to think too much - the down-side was that he kept running into the little holes his friends used to fill.

If Farlan overslept, Levi would get him up. They would get dressed and tidy their bunks faster than anyone else. They would get to the showers ahead of everyone else and be first in line at the mess hall, uniforms immaculate. Isabel would arrive soon after. Farlan would tease her if she wasn't the first female soldier to arrive. She would complain that the girls kept her awake talking, or use some other excuse. Isabel would eat as much as Levi and Farlan did, but she would still complain about whatever they were eating. They would do stretches together, warming up before they got into their ODM gear. Isabel always got a strap or two tangled. Farlan would scold her. Levi would fix it.

All these memories surrounded him as he went through his morning routine, as if they were still with him. He could hear their voices, almost see them, almost touch them. He made no effort to convince himself that they were gone forever; what harm did it do to pretend? It would certainly do no good to give in to the rage and despair he had felt when he found their remains.

He led the other Scouts out to the training ground and proceeded to make them all look incompetent with his superior skill. He could practically see the shadow of Farlan at his left flank, hear Isabel whooping on his right. He "killed" every last target before anyone else could get to them, causing his fellow soldiers to curse and grumble. He dropped to the ground and heard his friends landing on either side of him.

"This is dull," he said. "I want a moving target." He walked away and no one stopped him. He clearly had no room for improvement there.

He spent the rest of the morning in maintaining his gear and harness, sharpening his swords to a razor's edge. After lunch, he went to the stable. He was a capable horseman, but it never hurt to work with his equine partner more, building more trust. It could make the difference when they faced real Titans later on. His horse needed to consider him an indispensable leader, so he would take directions however distasteful, and not run away when Levi left the saddle. A long ride would also help the gelding stay in top condition.

When he was done, he returned his horse to the stable and took off the tack before giving its coat a good brushing. He found himself speaking to Isabel, even though she wasn't there.

 _"Big brother, will you clean the hooves for me?"_

"You can do it yourself," he replied.

 _"I'm scared to pick up his feet. What if he kicks me?"_

"You can't let a dumb animal outsmart you. Stand beside him, like this. Lean into his shoulder and run your hand down his leg. See, he picks it up fine."

 _"But then you have to hold it and clean it... sometimes they get impatient."_

"Show him who's boss." Levi dragged his hoof pick around his horse's frog and scraped away caked dirt. Then he set the hoof down in the sawdust of the aisle and straightened up. He was about to move on to the next hoof when he saw Erwin standing in the doorway.

"I thought I heard voices in here," Erwin said. "You talking to yourself? Or to your horse?"

Levi regarded him a moment longer before moving to the horse's hindquarters and picking up its left hind foot.

"What happened to your wrist?"

Glancing down at his wrist, Levi snorted. "All the training and fighting we do, and you expect me to keep track of every bruise?"

"I heard you left training early."

"I finished early."

"Who said you were finished?"

Levi set the second hoof down and laid his arm over the gelding's hindquarters as he moved around to the other side. "There was nothing more for me to do," he said at last. "I decided my time was better spent elsewhere."

"You have the same bruises on the other wrist, don't you?" Erwin asked, coming toward him.

"Maybe so. Does it matter?"

Erwin ducked under the cross-tie and put his hand on Levi's shoulder, stopping him from picking up the third hoof. "Show me."

Levi stared at his superior, half wanting to defy him. In the end, he stuck the hoof pick into his belt and held out his hands so Erwin could see his wrists.

Erwin studied the bruises which were just starting to become obvious now; they would probably look worse before they looked better. He turned Levi's wrists over to find more bruising on the other side. "This looks like someone was trying to break your wrist."

"Mm. It was probably from practicing tandem strategies."

Erwin raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You've been working with a partner?"

Levi nodded and went back to his hoof-cleaning.

"Who?"

"Whom."

"Wise-ass. Who was it?"

"I don't remember his name."

When Levi set the third hoof down, Erwin grabbed the front of his jacket. "I don't know why you feel the need to lie to me on top of skipping out on training, but it needs to stop right now. How did you get those bruises?"

Levi narrowed his eyes. "I just pressed this jacket."

"I'll press your face into the wall. I kicked your ass once and I can do it again."

"Go ahead. I don't give a damn."

 _"Big brother..."_

Erwin jostled him slightly, as if he had been about to follow through on his threat and changed his mind. "Why?" he asked. "Why don't you give a damn?"

"You know why."

 _"Stop. Please."_

 _"It's not worth it,"_ Farlan's voice added.

"There's something else," Erwin insisted. "Something new. Did you pick a fight with someone? Piss someone off once too often?"

"Tch." Levi shook off Erwin's hold and went to his horse's right shoulder to clean its last hoof. "What if I did? You don't want to concern yourself with petty disagreements, do you?"

"You're deflecting me. You don't have to be my friend, but at least be honest with me. I'm your superior officer. I'm here to lead and protect all my men, you included."

Levi laughed humorlessly. "I still don't trust you. And other than myself, I hate you more than anyone else on earth. So do what you want. I'll take your orders in combat, but don't pretend to care about the minutia of my life. As long as I do what's required of me, what the hell more do you want?"

"I'm going to find out what's going on eventually. Isn't it better to just tell me now?"

Levi straightened up again. "No, I don't think so." He unclipped the cross-ties and led his gelding to its stall.

"I can't ignore your disregard for training instructions."

"I get nothing out of the training sessions; I'm a much better judge of how to train myself."

"Then discuss it with me first."

"I was cutting out the middle man to save time. It's called taking initiative." Levi latched the stall door and turned toward the ladder, planning to get hay from the loft, but he was stopped by a hard slap to the face.

 _"Hey!"_

"Some orders don't make sense," Erwin said coldly. "I understand that better than anyone else. But sometimes there are good reasons for them that don't get shared with the enlisted men. There is a proper way of doing things, and you need to go through the appropriate channels. I'm not going to put up with this kind of insubordination."

"What kind of insubordination do you prefer?"

This time, Erwin kneed him in the stomach. "You'll learn, one way or another. Trust me, and you'll find I'm fair. Cross me, and your life will be hell."

Levi leaned heavily on the wall of the stall, struggling to get his breath as Erwin marched out of the stable.

 _"Big brother, are you all right?"_

"Trust you..." Levi wheezed, though Erwin was already out of hearing. _How can I trust a man who lied to me from the moment we met, just as I lied to him? We were conning each other from the beginning. How can I - why should I - trust you?_ He staggered to the ladder and pulled himself up to the loft, one rung at a time. He cut open a bale of hay and tossed a few flakes down to the aisle below as his horse began to nicker in anticipation.

 _"You shouldn't bait him like that,"_ Farlan's voice said.

"I know... but I'll be damned if I tell him what happened."

 _"Are you scared of them?"_ asked Isabel's voice.

"I don't know... maybe a little."

 _"What if they hurt you again?"_

"I'll be all right."

He climbed down carefully, feeling like he had lost half his strength somehow. He gathered the hay and tossed it into his gelding's stall. The horse immediately began to snatch it up with loud smacks of its lips. It was almost dinnertime. He, Farlan and Isabel would normally be putting away their ODM gear right now. He gathered the horse's tack and put it away. He would clean it after dinner. He straightened his jacket, brushed loose strands of hay off his clothes and headed to the mess hall.

* * *

 _More soon. Hope I've caught some interest.  
_


	3. The Bear In the Cage

_Back to Eren now. Discussion of non-con in this one. Brace yourself or turn back now.  
_

* * *

Eren was calmer when he emerged, though the collar of his jacket was sticking out on one side. Levi tried not to let it bother him.

"Sorry we have to do this before breakfast," Levi said, with more consideration than he usually showed.

"It's okay." Eren fell into step beside Levi.

Levi couldn't take it anymore; he reached over and smoothed down the untidy collar.

Eren's green eyes darted toward Levi's hand, but he didn't say anything.

 _He wants to trust me, but he's jumpy._ It was more evidence in support of the unpleasant theory. Levi tried to put it out of his mind as they approached Erwin's office.

They were on time, but the Sina representatives were already there. There was no time for Erwin to help Levi calm Eren before they began. It couldn't be helped.

After the usual stiff and pretentious greetings, the six men sat down around Erwin's desk, one of the visitors behind it, in Erwin's usual place.

"So... Eren Jaeger," the man behind the desk, Whitley, said. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Not all bad, I hope," Eren said in a meek voice.

Whitley chuckled, a sound like poor drainage in plumbing.

 _Why doesn't anyone laugh sincerely?_ Levi wondered. _Better question: Why do people laugh when nothing's funny?_

"No, not all bad. I'm told you might be the key to our regaining Wall Maria."

Levi listened as Eren told what little he knew... for the hundredth time. Then Whitley asked about training and whether Eren could control himself when turning into a Titan. Eren did his best to answer truthfully without making it sound like he was too unpredictable.

"And you're kept behind bars at night, isn't that right?"

"Y-yes, sir," Eren faltered. Most nights since joining the Scouts, he had stayed in the regular barracks with the other soldiers, but last night extra men had been brought in from the nearest city to help guard him.

"Do you feel that it's necessary?"

Levi held his breath. _Don't be stupid, kid. Tell him what he wants to hear._

After a pause, Eren answered, "I understand why my superiors are being cautious. I certainly don't want anything to go wrong."

 _Good boy._

"I see." Whitley wrote something in a ledger. "After breakfast, can we have a demonstration of your transforming ability?"

"Uh..."

"Jaeger's transformation process is still rather volatile," Erwin put in. "I don't think it's advisable to have him attempt it with the added pressure of your presence, sir."

"Are you saying he gets performance anxiety?"

Eren seemed to wilt a little. "It's true... I do seem to have less control over it when I know people are expecting something of me..."

"Hm. That's most unfortunate... and detrimental to the cause, I might add."

"The plan is to have him work on transforming in a low-key setting," Erwin explained. "When he has more control, then we can ask more of him."

"And how long will that take?"

"I'm afraid we have no way of knowing."

Levi kept silent throughout the interview. Eren seemed to get a little more confident as he went along, reassured by Erwin's occasional explanations. At last, the meeting concluded, though Levi knew they hadn't seen the last of the inspectors.

"Please take breakfast with me in my quarters," Erwin offered to the inspectors with a grace that Levi knew was put on. "The captain often joins me, too."

"Thank you, we will," Whitley answered.

"Actually, this morning I thought I'd eat with the enlisted men," Levi said. "If that's all right."

Eren looked surprised, but Erwin's face remained serene. "Of course."

Levi led Eren toward the mess hall.

"You never eat with the enlisted men," Eren said quietly.

"I know. I'm not today either, and neither are you."

"We're not?"

"No."

Once inside, Levi took Eren back to the kitchen and ordered those on cooking detail to pack bento boxes for the two of them. In a few minutes, Levi was leading the way to the stable.

"I hope you don't mind eating in the hay loft," he said.

"No. That's fine," Eren answered. "I'm kind of relieved. I know Mikasa and Armin are going to ask me about the meeting and... I'm not ready to talk to them."

In the loft, Levi arranged bales of hay - two for seats, four for a table. They set their boxes on the table and sat down.

"Now, not to put you off your feed, but as soon as you can, you need to tell me what happened," Levi said as he opened his box.

Eren opened his box somewhat sullenly. "I'll try," he said. "I just... It's so..."

"I promise to hear you out," Levi said quietly. "It's not you I need to judge, so don't be nervous."

Eren nodded and swallowed. He took a bite of his breakfast and chewed it slowly. Then he licked his lips and said, "I guess you're aware that a lot of people are afraid of me now."

"Naturally."

"Some more so than others... Outside the Survey Corps, it seems like rumors have been pretty wild."

Levi offered Eren his canteen of water. "The less real work people have to do, the more time they have to gossip."

"I guess." Eren took a drink before continuing. "The outsiders who came in to guard me for the first shift last night... they seemed to think I was a Titan that turned human instead of the other way around. I tried to set them straight, but they didn't want to listen to me."

"By uniting against you, even over something stupid, they could make themselves feel a little braver," Levi surmised. "It happens a lot, unfortunately."

"Yeah. They..." Eren hesitated. "One of them said... that there was a way to prove I was a Titan."

Levi suddenly got the feeling that he knew what was coming. Should he guess and save Eren the difficulty of saying it? If he was wrong, would it make things worse?

Eren looked like he was at a loss for how to continue his narrative. Levi sighed quietly. "I know you don't want to tell me what they did, and it probably seems like I couldn't possibly understand. But I know what it is to be mistreated because of prejudice. People do ugly things when they're afraid. I once tried to do something terrible because I was afraid, myself. Fear is like a drug. It skews your morality and takes away your judgment. If you're unprepared, it can destroy you."

Eren nodded.

"You don't have to be afraid of me, Eren. I'm on your side."

Eren looked up. "I... I know. I don't know why it's so hard to say. I'm sorry."

"That's all right. Just do your best."

"Okay."

"One of them said they could prove it if you were a Titan."

"Yeah... because Titans don't..." Eren was getting red in the face.

"They don't have genitals."

He nodded, looking down.

"And what did they say when they found that you did?"

Tears were forming in Eren's eyes again. "They... they said... they might not be real."

"It's not enough to see a bear in a cage; children have to poke it with sticks," Levi concluded. "So, they touched you."

"Yes, sir." The tears fell, but Eren kept his hands on his knees, balled into fists.

"And you tried to get away from them, but all that did was bloody your wrists and ankles."

"Yeah. They... they said it felt real, but... to make sure they had to..." Eren couldn't seem to get enough air now. His breathing was too quick and ragged to allow him to speak.

Levi got up and went around their makeshift table to put an arm across Eren's shoulders. "I know this is hard. I'm sorry."

Eren turned his head, pressing his face into Levi's side. Levi tried not to think about the tears and snot that were probably getting on his uniform. He rubbed Eren's shoulder slowly, prepared to pull back if the action seemed to disturb him.

"They... had to make sure... that it was functional."

Levi squeezed Eren's shoulder. "They tried to make you ejaculate?"

"Y-yeah." Eren leaned harder against Levi's side. "And... eventually..."

"They succeeded."

"Yeah." Eren sniffed and shuddered.

Levi sat on the edge of Eren's hay bale and allowed his subordinate to put his arms around him. Eren rested his head on Levi's shoulder and cried quietly for a little while as Levi rubbed his back.

"I'm sorry, kid. This never should have happened. It's impressive that you kept from turning in spite of all that..." Hating to, but knowing he had to, Levi asked, "Was there more?"

Eren took a long, shuddering breath. "Yes," he whispered.

 _God, no. The bastards._ Levi pulled Eren tight against his chest. "Okay. Take your time... tell me when you can."

* * *

 _Sorry... sort of. I live on a steady diet of angst, so I had to be cruel. That's how hurt/comfort works, right? It'll get better eventually. Probably not in the next chapter, though. Because I'm evil._


	4. How the Mighty Have Fallen

_Thanks for the review! More would be nice._

 _Same trigger/squick/spoiler warnings as the last one._

 _Back to the past..._

* * *

Levi sat by himself at dinner, but it didn't take long for his tormentors to cluster around him.

"Where you been all day, under-grounder?"

"Too good to train with the rest of us?"

"I think my records speak for themselves," Levi muttered. He lifted his fork to his mouth mechanically, not looking anyone in the eye.

"Did Smith knock some sense into you? He was pretty pissed when he heard you played hooky."

"Yeah, he knocked the shit out of me," Levi answered in the same bored tone. "Didn't you notice my limp? I'm going on sick leave tomorrow."

"Stop screwing around, Ackerman!"

Getting irked, Levi retorted, "You asked a stupid question, so you got a stupid answer. That's called 'responding in kind.' Or 'tit for tat.' Or 'turnabout is fair play.' Or 'you reap what you sow.' Or 'do unto others as you would...'"

Someone hit him in the temple, open-palmed, knocking his head to the side.

"Shut up, know-it-all! After the lesson we taught you last night, you still think you're better than us..."

"What's that tell you?"

"It pisses me off! We're not going to let you get away with it."

"As long as you run it by Smith first, you can do whatever the hell you want to me."

The antagonist folded his arms. "You know damn well that no one's going to bring him into this, and you'd better not either! You hide behind him and we'll make you pay."

"And how are you going to do that once he knows what's going on?"

"What's he going to do? Lock us all up and have no squad to command? Hell, there isn't that much room in the lockup. Anyway, whatever he did, he couldn't stop all of us. You've seen it yourself - none of your fancy moves or..." the soldier paused, eying Levi grudgingly. "...Or your disproportionate strength can stop us when we work together. You try to rat us out and you'll lose your balls, one way or another."

Levi lifted his soup bowl and drank the contents calmly.

"Did you hear me? We'll castrate you."

Levi set the bowl back on his tray. "I heard you." He lifted his eyes to look beyond the other soldier. "And you heard him too, didn't you, sir?"

The soldier looked panicky as he turned around, but there was no one there. Levi smirked at him.

"Damn you, Ackerman..." he grabbed Levi by the shirt and dragged him back off the bench.

Levi took hold of his attacker's wrists to keep himself upright, prepared to fight, but he waited as the others crowded around.

"Not here, Bartlet," one said. "Wait until we know we won't be interrupted."

The leader loosened his hold, eyes smoldering. "You'll be sorry," he spat.

"Yeah, maybe," Levi acknowledged, leaning away from the other man. "But at least my breath doesn't stink."

"Son of a bitch..."

"Later," Bartlet's companions reminded him.

They began to disperse. On the way back to his own table, Bartlet knocked Levi's tray to the floor, spilling what was left of his dinner.

Levi went back to his place and knelt to turn the tray over. He began gathering crumbs onto it. It wasn't his fault, but he knew how to pick his battles. No one else was going to take care of this mess, and he refused to leave it for whoever had cleanup duty that night.

* * *

He finished cleaning his horse's saddle and bridle and hung them in their places in the tack room. He would have to wash the saddle pad soon. But it was dark now; curfew was soon. He'd be in trouble if he didn't get back to the barracks.

Of course, a different kind of trouble waited for him there. The insults and taunts began as soon as he came through the door.

"Have fun playing by yourself, Ackerman? Or were you playing _with_ yourself?"

"Where were you all bloody day, underground bitch?"

Levi ignored them and went to his bunk, only to find it a sloppy mess, although he had made it up perfectly that morning. He stared at it only a moment before efficiently smoothing the covers and tucking in the edges.

"Oh, good job. You'll make a great housewife someday."

"Time for lights-out," Jameson called.

Everyone near the lanterns put them out. Levi took off his uniform in the dark, putting everything away in its place from memory. He got into bed and closed his eyes, knowing it was pointless.

Sure enough, it was just moments before Bartlet and the others descended on him.

"No more of your bull shit, Ackerman. Where were you all day?"

"I went riding," Levi said, not opening his eyes.

"Oh," Bartlet said, raising his voice to a pretentious falsetto. "A pleasure ride, eh?" He dropped his voice to a menacing growl. "Well, the rest of us worked our asses off without you. That's not fair. Get up and take your punishment."

"Make me."

He knew that they would, but he had to say it anyway. He stayed relaxed, total dead weight as they dragged him from his bunk and propped him upright.

"Get his shirt off," Bartlet told the others.

They half ripped the undershirt from Levi's back as he struggled to get loose; strong hands closed around his wrists, irritating the bruises already there. More hands held his ankles, and when his wriggling and kicking proved too strong, they practically sat on his feet, wrapping their limbs around each of his legs. Before long, all he could move was his head, and that did him no good.

Bartlet had brought his leather belt over; Levi could hear it swishing as he swung it in the darkness. "I think twenty for skipping training, ten for working his horse unnecessarily... ten for the BS at dinner, ten for going MIA again after dinner... how many is that?"

Levi snorted. "You can't even count."

"Shut up!" Bartlet brought the belt down across Levi's back.

"It's fifty," Jameson supplied.

"Fifty... and another five because you piss me off."

Levi managed not to cry out during his ordeal; what little noise he made was lost in the whispers and quiet jeering of the others. He knew it would take the belt a long time to actually cut him; unlike an actual whip, the end was thick and dull. He was more likely to have bruises and possibly blisters. The lashes got a little lighter as Bartlet began to tire.

Levi braced himself against the bunk as much as his holders would allow. _I deserve this,_ he told himself. _Not at their hands... but I deserve every misfortune that comes to me. I led Farlan and Isabel to their deaths. I failed to protect them._

"Bartlet," a soldier called Darin said quietly, "he's starting to bleed. If he bleeds on his clothes or sheets, someone might ask questions."

Levi hadn't realized he was bleeding yet; his back just felt like a strange combination of numbness and stinging.

There was a pause; then Bartlet said, "That was thirty-seven... turn him around for the rest."

He felt the hands that had restrained him turning him to face Bartlet in the darkness. He couldn't help flinching as the belt was lifted, and again when it bit across his chest. _Thirty-eight._ Another blow fell, causing his eyes to snap shut for a moment. _Thirty-nine._

The blows continued to fall. Levi had taken several beatings in his time, but not such a humiliating one for many years. _Fifty... god, hurry up and get to the end. Fifty-one..._ "Sh-shit," he whispered as the fifty-fourth lash seemed to bite deeper than the last. No one seemed to hear it.

"Okay, let him go."

Either Bartlet was including the blow before the count began, or he had lost count somewhere along the line. Levi certainly didn't plan to ask about it. He crawled back onto his bunk and lay gingerly on his side.

"Not so tough now, are you?"

 _What a stupid question._ "Go to hell."

"Aw, what was that? Speak up." Bartlet walked around the bunk and stood in front of Levi's face.

Levi didn't answer. He closed his eyes, waiting for them to get bored and leave him alone.

"Cat got your tongue?" There was the quiet rustling of fabric. "Must need some exercise. Show us how you earned a living in the underground, Ackerman. Go on - suck my dick."

 _You've got to be kidding me._ Levi opened his eyes and could just make out in the darkness that Bartlet had indeed dropped his shorts. "You're a coward."

Bartlet grabbed a fistful of Levi's hair. "What did you say?"

Levi knew he was in no position to provoke his tormentor, but he answered anyway. "You're too afraid to fight me by yourself, and too afraid to try to romance a woman - afraid of failing - so you have to resort to being a bully."

Bartlet let go and slapped Levi hard enough to make him collapse on his bunk, painfully irritating the lashes on his chest. "Shut the hell up! You're going to suck me off because it's all you're good for. You give me any more trouble and I will tear your hair out by the roots, you hear me?"

It was ironic, but it wasn't the pain so much that made Levi give up. He could take having his hair torn out. What was pain? nerves telling the brain that something was damaged. Nothing more. But the thought of trying to explain it to Erwin, having to go around with patchy hair and a bandaged head... somehow that prospect was the worst of all. Anyway, he couldn't fight them all. Bartlet would get his way eventually. Slowly, he lifted his head.

"That's better."

* * *

 _I did mention I'm evil, right? Okay, just checking.  
_


	5. The Facts Of the Matter

_This one's a little longer, and bound to be rough, so have comfort food or a teddy bear or something handy. If you've made it this far, you know what to expect.  
_

* * *

Levi held Eren until he'd managed to get all of his story out, ready to let him go at any moment, but never needing to.

"I don't understand why they did it," Eren said in a low voice. "Was it... just because they hate me so much?"

"No." Levi rested his head on top of Eren's. "No, I don't think so. Once they saw that they could get away with touching you, that you couldn't retaliate, they just wanted to reassure themselves a little more by dominating you in the strongest way they knew."

"I forgot to say... they cut me, too. My arms. Not deep. They wanted to see if I'd steam like a wounded Titan."

"Was that before, or after..."

"Before. I guess my wrists didn't heal as fast because I kept rubbing them raw over and over... I don't know." Eren rubbed his wrists gingerly. They looked a little better now than they had when Levi first saw them that morning, but they still looked like they must be causing him pain. "That didn't last long, though."

"Mm. They probably felt justified in what they did, but if they have any decency they're ashamed by now. How many of them were involved?"

"Four. One of them was lookout most of the time... he didn't actually hurt me. But he still... did stuff."

"Do you know their names?"

Eren shook his head.

"That's all right. I can get them from the guard's log." Levi gave Eren a squeeze and leaned away from him. "Think you can finish your breakfast?"

"Uh... I'm not very hungry."

"Try to eat at least a little more."

"Okay." Eren picked at his food slowly at first, but he seemed to regain his appetite as he went, and managed to eat most of it.

Levi gathered their boxes when they were done and carried them down from the loft. He walked Eren back to the mess hall where they turned them in. Then he took his subordinate outside again.

"Where are we going now?" Eren asked.

"To the infirmary."

"I'm all right. I'm doing much better now..."

"I know. Please humor me."

"What about Mikasa and - "

"They won't try to hurt them during the day. There's plenty of time to take steps to protect them."

"You won't tell them what happened, will you?"

"No. Not if you don't want me to."

"I don't. I don't want anyone to know unless they absolutely have to."

"I understand."

Levi didn't look at Eren until he had spoken to the nurse on duty at the front of the infirmary and they had been shown to a private room to wait for a doctor.

"I'm really fine," Eren said. "You ought to just take me to Hanji so she can observe my healing rate and stuff... she'd appreciate that."

"We're not here because of your wrists and ankles."

"We're not?"

Levi shook his head. "I believe your story, and I think Erwin will, too. But to take action we're going to need some solid evidence."

The silence in the room seemed oppressive, as if it could be felt, and it was stifling. Levi resisted the impulse to loosen his cravat.

"What... will they have to do?" Eren asked at last.

"We need to see if they left any physical traces."

Eren drew in a breath and was about to say something when doctor Bradford arrived.

"Good morning, Captain," the doctor said, saluting. "Henshaw said it was important?"

"It is," Levi answered. "Please close the door."

"Levi," Eren said quietly as the doctor fulfilled the request, but then he fell silent again.

Bradford returned, looking sober. "What is it?" he asked Levi.

Levi kept his eyes on Bradford, hoping Eren wouldn't be too upset over what came next. "This soldier has been raped. I need you to get the proof for me."

Eren didn't make a sound, but in a moment Levi could feel the heat coming off him.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," Bradford said. He took a folded gown off a shelf and handed it to Eren. "Put this on. I'll need to get some things, but I'll be back in a few minutes."

Numbly, Eren took the gown. He swallowed thickly, and seemed like he couldn't decide whether or not to speak.

"I know it goes without saying, but absolutely no one can know about this," Levi told the doctor.

"I understand." Bradford slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"Eren..."

"Do we really have to do this?" Eren asked in a choked voice.

"To make sure they don't get away with it - to make sure they have no opportunity to hurt anyone else - yes, we do. I'm sorry."

Tears were welling up in Eren's eyes again. He was looking around the room... anywhere but at Levi. "I..."

"I'll wait outside. Let me know when you're done changing." Levi moved toward the door, but he felt Eren's hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see Eren looking smaller and more pitiful than he'd ever seen him before.

"Please," Eren whispered. "Don't leave."

"I'll be right outside."

Eren looked away. Two tears fell down his cheeks. "Can't you stay in here?"

 _Oh, god..._ "All right." Levi crossed the room to the shelf and stood facing it, looking with disinterest at the various medical supplies there. "Tell me when you're done."

He heard Eren walk to the bedside and then the rustling of clothes as Eren got out of his jacket, shirt, boots and pants and into the scant gown. After what seemed like far too long, Eren said, "I'm done."

Levi turned around. Eren was sitting on the edge of the rolling bed, his clothes in a pile beside him. He had left his socks on. Levi went to stand beside him and started folding his clothes, more to make sure Eren had removed his underwear than because of his compulsion for neatness - though that was a close second.

"I'm scared," Eren said in a low voice.

Levi forced himself to continue his task, not so much as looking up. "No one's going to hurt you. It will be unpleasant, but it's for your own good. You see that, don't you?"

"Yes, sir."

He finished turning the sloppy pile of clothing into a neat one and put it on the shelf where the gown had been before. Then he sat beside Eren and silently put an arm around him, still not looking at him.

"I'm sorry," Eren said quietly.

"What the hell are you apologizing for?"

"I... I don't know. I just... didn't mean to cause you so much trouble..."

Levi looked at him then, and reached up with his free hand to turn Eren's face toward himself. "You did not cause this," he said firmly. "Idiocy caused this. And the idiocy was caused by fear, and the fear comes from the Titans. All our damn problems can be traced back to the Titans." He sighed and looked at the floor again. "You're my soldier. It's my job to lead and protect you. You took the order to stay in the lockup overnight like a meek little lamb and I... failed to protect you. I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Captain..."

The door opened and Bradford came back in, closing it once again. Levi had the impulse to remove his arm from Eren's shoulders, but he didn't care at this point. Bradford wouldn't say anything about it.

"All right..." Bradford set a briefcase on a rolling table and moved it closer to the bed. "Captain, this will probably take a good hour or more; you might want to get a cup of tea or something..."

"Um..." Eren said, "is it... does he have to leave?"

"That's up to you, I suppose," Bradford answered.

"Do you want me to stay?" asked Levi.

After a moment, Eren managed a quiet, "Yes."

"Then I will."

"Okay, Captain, why don't you stand up by the head of the bed, then... or sit. Whichever. And you..."

"Eren," Levi supplied.

"Jaeger?" asked the doctor.

Eren nodded.

"I've heard about you. I'm sorry we had to meet like this. Anyway, you lie down, please."

Levi moved as he was directed and put his hands gently on Eren's shoulders to ease him back onto the bed. He kept one hand near Eren's heart; he could just feel it beating, slightly quicker than his own. "It will be over soon," he said.

Eren nodded. He put a hand over Levi's.

"When did it happen?" Bradford asked, getting out some sheets of paper and a pen.

"Last night," Levi supplied. "Around midnight?"

"Something like that," said Eren. "Definitely after ten... between ten and one, I guess."

"All right." Bradford took some notes. "Can you tell me the extent of the assault?"

Seeing Eren's hesitation, Levi said, "He's just gone through telling it all to me; if he affirms what I say, can I relate it to you?"

"Officially, no," Bradford answered. "But I don't mind doing it that way if you don't. I'll just have to be a little dishonest in the report."

"Is that all right, Eren?" Levi asked.

"Yeah," Eren said in a small voice.

Levi rubbed his shoulder lightly. "He was masturbated by four men, cut by three... the cuts have healed, so there may be no evidence of it now... and he was penetrated by three of them."

Bradford managed to keep his reaction small, but the sympathy was still clear on his face. He looked at Eren. "Is that what happened?"

Eren swallowed. "Yes, sir. Oh, but only two of them did the cutting, actually."

"And was there anything else - did they hold you down, or force you to do anything else?"

"Um... they did hold me back sometimes... one of them grabbed my hair at one point, to get me to hold still."

Eren was tearing up again. Levi rubbed his shoulder some more.

"Were you in the clothes you wore over here?"

"No, sir. They're back in the lockup."

"I'll bring them to you later," Levi said.

"All right." Bradford took some more notes and then set his papers aside. "I vote we get the worst over first; can you put your knees up?" he asked Eren.

Eren pulled his legs back until his feet were flat on the bed, his knees above him.

"Good, now move your legs apart, please."

With what seemed like a great effort, Eren did as he was asked. Levi folded his fingers around Eren's.

"That's fine. Now, I'm going to touch your leg so I can work my way up there with as little shock-value as possible, all right?"

Eren nodded again and closed his eyes.

Levi's view was blocked by the bottom of Eren's gown, but he could keep track of what was going on from Bradford's movements and Eren's reactions. Soon the doctor was taking things from his case on the table - a glass cylinder with a stopper, a swab with a wooden stem...

"You're doing well, Eren," Bradford said. "I'm not seeing the usual trauma down here," he added.

"He's a quick healer," Levi explained. "Due to the Titan influences."

"I see. I think Hanji mentioned that the last time she was over here bragging about him..."

Levi snorted.

"Eren, have you had a bowel movement since it happened?"

"No, sir," Eren answered.

"Good. Okay, this is where you need to brace yourself."

Eren gripped Levi's hand hard enough to hurt, but Levi said nothing. He stroked Eren's fingers with his thumb. A moment later, Eren whimpered voicelessly.

"I'm sorry," Bradford said sincerely. "I'm afraid it has to be done."

Levi leaned down to whisper in Eren's ear. "It's okay. The worst will be over in a minute."

Eren sniffed. "I know," he whispered back. He leaned his forehead against Levi's temple.

Levi put his free hand on Eren's head and stroked his hair lightly. "I'm so sorry this happened."

"I know."

Levi shut his eyes, wishing he could ease Eren's discomfort somehow. _I always fail to protect them... Eren is my responsibility... how could I let this happen?_

* * *

 _More angst soon. Thoughts? Leave a review!  
_


	6. Reckless Abandon

_3 reviews, 3 followers, 3 favorites... over a hundred views! Let's even out those numbers a little, shall we? If you really like a story, it's only polite to say something about it._

 _Levi's past again. Less disturbing chapter ahead. xp  
_

* * *

Levi found himself behaving recklessly the next day. While he believed he deserved to be in pain, Bartlet had crossed a new line and he was pissed at the world.

In spite of their efforts to keep the bloodshed to a minimum, Levi's sheets had still been stained enough to worry his oppressors, so they had swapped them for a set from the women's laundry. Only a complete ass would ask questions about a woman's bloody sheets.

Unable to face his problems directly, Levi was on a short fuse with everyone, including his superiors. More than once he got reprimanded for getting out of line, and finally Erwin called him to his office.

"I warned you," Erwin said seriously. "I also told you that you could talk to me about a different training regimen. Why didn't you listen?"

Levi stared blankly at Erwin's desk.

"All right, you don't feel like talking. Then listen for a minute. I've gotten word of some Titans hanging around the wall a few miles to the south. I thought I'd ride out and have a look at the situation. Do you want to go with me?" When he didn't get an answer right away, Erwin added, "Frankly, this is your last chance. If you don't get your act together, I'll have you horsewhipped. On the parade ground no less, where everyone can see. So... do you want to go with me?" he repeated in a much more sinister tone.

The corner of Levi's mouth twitched. How ironic... He could imagine it, the executioner of his punishment discovering his back to be already covered with stripes and blisters. They would probably go ahead with the whipping anyway. He would have life-long scars... Consequences aside, Erwin's excursion certainly seemed more interesting than staying in camp. Levi gave a minute nod.

"Good. Get the horses saddled and I'll meet you at the stable in a few minutes."

"It's just us, then?"

"This is strictly reconnaissance. But wear your ODM gear just in case."

"Yes, sir." Levi saluted, though the action felt a bit silly after all the insubordination he'd gotten up to that day.

* * *

Levi knew the others would use this excursion as another excuse to hurt him, but he put it from his mind. He got his and Erwin's horses bridled and saddled and led them out into the stable yard.

Erwin arrived a couple of minutes later with canteens and saddlebags for them both. "I hope we won't be gone long," he said, "but I don't want us to get caught out there without supplies."

Levi nodded and tied the items down to his saddle. It was awkward mounting up in full gear, especially for one of Levi's stature, but he had practiced it enough times that he could rely on his muscles to get him astride every time.

The gatekeepers wished them luck and safety, though Levi knew they were mostly talking to Erwin. Would anyone miss him if he didn't come back? They might miss their punching bag, he supposed.

He followed Erwin out the gate, and for some time they saw no recent signs of Titan activity. After half an hour of riding, they began seeing recent footprints. Human footprints would flatten vegetation temporarily; then it would spring up again. Titan footprints usually crushed small plants beyond repair, so even when they avoided open ground, it was easy to see where they had been in recent days.

"We're getting close," Erwin said. "Let me know if you see them before I do."

"Yes, sir."

As it turned out, they both spotted the fifteen-meter Titan at the same time. Erwin slowed his horse to a walk and Levi followed him to a stand of trees between them and their enemies.

"Looks like just one fifteen-meter and a handful of four- and five-meters," Levi said. "Why don't we take them now?"

Erwin shook his head. "Maybe we could, but I'm not willing to risk it. Besides, there could be others nearby that would hear."

Impulsively, Levi shot his cables into the treetops and rode them up to get a good view of the landscape. He heard Erwin protest, but he knew his superior didn't dare yell at him for fear of alerting the Titans. Moments later, he descended again.

"There's another small group, but they're miles away," he reported. "We'd be long gone by the time they got here." He reeled in his ODM cables and urged his horse out of the trees.

"Wait," Erwin said urgently, but Levi didn't stop. He didn't even hesitate. He encouraged his horse to a run and headed at the largest Titan.

"You stupid bastard!" he heard Erwin calling behind him. He probably said some other things, too, but Levi didn't listen.

As his horse ran past the Titan, Levi leaped from the saddle and soared to the giant's shoulder. From there it was simple to cut across its nape and jump away again. He came down on a five-meter Titan and made short work of it as the others toddled toward him.

He realized - much too late, of course - that it might have been better to save the fifteen-meter for last. That way, he could have used its height as an anchor point for his cables while he killed the smaller ones. As it was, he had to use each Titan as its own anchor point, unless he wanted to try luring them closer to the wall, or to the stand of trees. At least this was a good learning experience... it felt good to be learning and not just pointlessly taking out inanimate targets.

He turned all his attention to the task at hand, butchering the Titans with great efficiency until there were only two left... but they were both coming at him at the same time.

 _Which do I go for first?_ he wondered. They were closing in fast, and he knew his indecision was likely to kill him if he didn't make up his mind soon. Then he heard Erwin's voice shouting at him, pulling him out of his impasse.

"Take the right! Now!"

He jerked into action, barely avoiding the grabbing hands of the Titan he was now attacking. He landed on its chest and gained purchase by driving a sword into the flesh above its collarbone and pulling himself up. Amid the steam and groaning of the Titan, he scrambled to its shoulder and at last made the fatal slice. He rode it to the ground and turned to see Erwin finishing off the last Titan.

 _Of course,_ he berated himself. _I didn't know he would help me, but there was no point in assuming he wouldn't. If I'm in a fix like that again, I take the Titan that would be more difficult for my companion to attack. I need to act as if he has my back, so I'm not left with indecision._

"You insane son of a bitch," Erwin shouted, coming toward him. "Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed? I told you to wait - you went out there with no plan..."

Levi walked to his horse and led it over to Erwin's before leading both horses back to his superior. "I'm guessing the others will be here soon; we should go."

Erwin was looking at him with a newly puzzled expression.

"What?"

"Are you hurt?"

"No; not a scratch."

Erwin's frown deepened. "Turn around."

With a sense of foreboding, Levi followed the order. He felt Erwin's hand on his shoulder... and then his back. He gasped in pain.

"What happened to you?" Erwin asked. "You've bled through your jacket..."

"Damn it," Levi said under his breath.

They could now hear the distant rumbling that heralded the arrival of several more Titans. They weren't in view yet, but it wouldn't be long.

"Come on," Erwin said, taking his horse's reins from Levi.

They mounted up and rode full-gallop away from the steaming Titan remains, managing to get past the stand of trees before any new Titans spotted them. When their horses' hoofbeats were the only sounds around them, they slowed to an easy canter.

"Why are you bleeding?" Erwin asked.

 _Doesn't beat around the bush, does he?_ "It doesn't concern you, sir." Levi took a drink from his canteen.

"Actually it does - I'm _very_ concerned."

"Tch."

"I'm going to find out, so you might as well tell me."

"So you say. But I think you'll find no one knows anything about it."

"Are you saying you did it to yourself?"

 _That would be some trick._ "No. I'm saying it doesn't matter. It's of no consequence to me or to anyone else, and it shouldn't be to you."

"Why are you being so damn stubborn about this?"

"Why does it matter so much?" Levi felt angry, but that didn't make sense. Erwin wasn't being unfair to him; he was being downright indulgent.

"Because you're my man. Damn it, I can't help you if you don't cooperate with me."

Levi didn't answer and they kept silent until they were approaching the gate again.

"Levi," Erwin said in a calmer tone, "I could put you in lockup until you decide to tell me what's going on, but I don't want to do that. I just want honesty from you. If you insist on dealing with this yourself... I guess I won't try to coerce you anymore. But if you do want my help, you can talk to me any time. Understand?"

Levi resisted the urge to suggest he might wake Erwin from a sound sleep just because he'd said "any time." "Yes, sir," he answered.

"All right. You should go to the infirmary and let someone patch you up properly."

"I'll be fine." If he went to the infirmary, the perpetrators would know he had confided in at least one person and there would be hell to pay.

"If you get an infection, I'm not going to be happy with you."

"Understood."

* * *

 _More from the stubborn captain-to-be soon. xD  
_


	7. Already Broken

_Still Levi. This one is probably the roughest, so... do what you have to do to steel yourself, or just skip this one.  
_

* * *

Erwin was keeping an eye on him, but Levi knew it didn't matter. He could toe the line when he chose, and no one would make a move against him in broad daylight. It was only in the safety and darkness of the barracks that the cockroaches came out to eat at him.

He took a shower after dinner, knowing that most of the soldiers showered before breakfast. He cringed when the hot water ran over his wounds.

 _"Shit,_ shit, shit, shit..." He gritted his teeth and washed his hair carefully, tipping his head back to keep any shampoo from touching his body. Some inevitably made its way to the areas he was trying to protect, causing him to wince and curse again. Then he of course had to rinse it off, which caused more pain all over again. Finally, vision fogged with tears of pain, he turned off the water, gingerly dried himself off and got dressed before making his way back to the barracks.

Sometimes he wondered why he ever went back. The interrogation began as soon as the lights were out.

"So, you had special playtime with Smith today," Bartlet said. "What did you do?"

"Killed Titans," Levi answered.

"Oh, yeah? How many?"

"Half a dozen or so."

"How many did you kill yourself?" someone else asked.

"Two," Levi lied. "One assist."

"Proud of yourself, undergrounder?" asked another.

"Not particularly."

"Daddy proud of you?" asked Bartlet.

"I didn't get any promotions or commendations, if that's what you mean."

"Someone said you were bleeding through your jacket when you got back."

"I explained it away. He won't do anything."

"Good." Bartlet patted Levi's head in a patronizing way. "You need some reminding of your place so your little special treatment doesn't get you thinking you're better than you are... but no other punishments.

Levi felt sick rather than relieved. He would rather have more pain than this mock approval.

"Someone light a candle, but keep it low. We don't want a patrol noticing." While someone carried out this order, Bartlet told Levi, "Take your shirt off."

Levi gingerly got out of his shirt and laid it aside. The others examined his wounds by candlelight.

"Better not whip him again until that's healed more," Jameson pointed out.

"True. The front's not so bad, but I have a better idea. Get out of your underpants, Ackerman."

"No."

Bartlet sighed. "You were being such a good little bitch. Come on, do as I say."

"Screw yourself."

With an angry look, Bartlet nodded to his followers and they sprang forward.

It was a bit ridiculous, how many of them it took just to render him naked. They managed it in the end, of course, but Levi fought fiercely nevertheless. A few of them would have sore jaws and serious bruises the next day, not to mention wounded pride.

"Get him face-down," Bartlet ordered.

Another short struggle ensued before Levi was pinned to his bunk again.

"Now, my underground whore, you're the one who's going to be screwed."

"Dastardly moronic son of a bitch," Levi growled.

"That was a rude little mouthful, wasn't it?" Bartlet discarded his underwear and straddled Levi's slender form. "Apparently sucking me off last night wasn't enough to remind you of your place. Serving us legitimate soldiers is your best function, so lie still and take it like your mother did."

Levi tensed. He wanted nothing more than to claw Bartlet's eyes out, but he knew the other soldier's words were intended to infuriate him. Bartlet had no way of knowing that in truth, Levi's mother _had_ been a prostitute.

 _He won't break me,_ he vowed silently as Bartlet began groping between his legs. _How can you break someone that's already broken? I'm like the grass that's been trampled by the Titans. There's no springing back up after that._ _"Connard,"_ he said, resorting to French insults, since the English seemed too good for him. _"Fils de pute."_

Bartlet grabbed a fistful of Levi's hair and shoved his face into his pillow. Levi struggled for a moment, but suddenly being able to breathe seemed more important than getting free. He became completely still until Bartlet lifted his head again.

"I'll make a deal with you, bitch," Bartlet said. "I let you breathe, and you don't talk. You don't scream. You don't make a sound. Got it?"

Levi took a few quick breaths and then answered, "Yeah."

"Good boy."

He tried to shut them out of his mind as he heard the others encouraging Bartlet in his molestation, urging him to go further, asking if they'd be taking turns.

"At least wait for that until he's in better shape," Jameson said. Jameson seemed to be the voice of reason from time to time, or at least the voice of less depravity.

"I'll take him tonight," Bartlet said. "But I'm sure we'll all have a turn eventually, if this little slut doesn't get eaten by a Titan first."

He kept silent, but his thoughts were screaming. _I hate you. I hate you all. Bartlet, you pretentious coward. Edwards, you've wanted to rape me since you saw me, and eventually you might get your wish. How many times did I see you looking at me and Farlan when we were getting into our uniforms, you sick bastard? How many of your juniors have you had your way with?_

He winced when Bartlet's light fingering turned into probing. _I can take it,_ he told himself. _There are people who do this all the time - and like it. It won't kill me. It might make me vomit, but I'll live._

Someone's hand was worming its way under his chest - Edwards, probably. But no, in the dim light from the candle still burning on the floor nearby, he saw that it was Milano. _The one who's so horny all the time, I swear he'd hump a Titan if it held still for him, even though he clearly prefers females. The way he stares at the female cadets should be punishable by solitary confinement, involving such thorough restraints that he can't possibly get enough contact to pleasure himself._

Milano found Levi's nipple and began to pinch and roll it between his fingers. In the process, he was aggravating the belt lashes on Levi's chest, causing him to grunt in pain.

"Like that?" Milano gloated.

Levi had a few choice words for him, but he knew Bartlet would suffocate him if he didn't stay silent. _Sure, like a fish enjoys being gutted, you idiot pig._

"Let me try," someone else said, and soon there was a hand on the other side, too.

"It's not as good as a woman's tits," Milano said, "but it's better than nothing, right?"

 _Shit... get your hands off me, you childish..._ His thoughts were interrupted when Bartlet suddenly pulled his fingers out and repositioned himself. _Oh, god... I'm not ready for this. I don't want this. Ever. God, please..._ He pressed his face into the pillow of his own accord to stifle his groan and hide the tears that were escaping his eyes in spite of all his efforts.

 _How did this happen? It's all because I couldn't protect my friends. I'm nothing. I deserve nothing. No better than this. But you haven't broken me, you self-important moron. I was broken long before this. So go on... do your worst._ He tilted his hips as Bartlet thrust forward, and he could hear the pleased surprise in his tormentor's gasp.

"Good little slut," Bartlet said as he drew back for another thrust. "Now you're getting it. Make me come, and you get the rest of the night off."

 _Sure. I'll make you come. Make you lose control of yourself. You don't even realize you're making yourself lower than me - lower than dirt. I'm broken and useless, and here I am controlling you._

He ignored the pain signals assaulting his brain. As he expected, it didn't take long to get Bartlet off. A lot of the men seemed starved for sexual activity, an appetite that had never been major in Levi's life. _Probably never will be, after this._

"He can handle one more," someone wheedled. "Let me take him."

"No way, I'm next," said Edwards's voice.

Suddenly, an unexpected sound interrupted their hushed argument: the door opening. A lantern shone into the barracks as the men scrambled to get back to their own bunks.

"Stop right where you are," Erwin's voice cut through the darkness.

The men stopped almost automatically at the command, as if unable to refuse it.

Erwin marched along the rows of bunks, looking at each man as the light hit his face.

No one was holding Levi now. He thought about getting up, putting his clothes on... but what was the point? He sat up slowly and pulled a sheet across his lap. Good enough.

Bartlet had scrambled into his shorts by this time and stood staring at nothing in particular.

"I've had an inkling for the last day or two," Erwin said in his deep, menacing tone, "that something inappropriate was going on in this barracks. Everything I imagined fell far short of the idiocy... the depravity... the inexcusable behavior that you men have engaged in."

Levi stared woodenly ahead when the light fell on him. He knew that Erwin was angry with all of them. He wouldn't be excused any more than anyone else. Maybe he was to take most of the blame - Erwin wasn't moving past him, and he didn't seem to be looking at Bartlet.

"Correct me if I'm mistaken," Erwin went on slowly, "but it sounded for all the world as if someone were being gang-raped in here."

There was a little collective noise then; everyone knew that that wasn't quite what had happened, but no one wanted to be the one to correct Erwin. Once someone spoke, he would be the one to whom Erwin directed his questions. He would be the hated one. No one answered.

"And am I also correct in thinking that Ackerman was the one being assaulted?"

Levi continued to stare into the darkness at the other side of the room, as if everything would go back to normal if he were patient enough.

"Levi."

Slowly registering that he had been spoken to, Levi looked up. "Sir?"

"You still won't talk to me? After all this?"

Levi couldn't help glancing at Bartlet. the other man was glaring at him as if to say, "You thought this was hell, but if you say a word, you'll wish you'd never been born!"

"I have nothing to say, sir."

There was a tense pause. Then Erwin said, "Right. Put some clothes on and come with me. The rest of you: get to your own bunks and stay there until morning if you value your lives." He sounded like he meant it, death threat and all.

Levi found his underwear at the foot of the next bunk over and hurriedly put it on. Then he pulled on a pair of pants and grabbed his cloak off the bedpost, not bothering with a shirt. The others were back in their beds now and all was silent.

Erwin turned to lead the way out of the barracks and closed the door behind them. He continued on and Levi followed him.

"Now will you talk to me?" Erwin asked.

"I can't, sir."

Erwin sighed. "What are you protecting them for? You never took shit from anyone before - what happened to you?"

"I guess I finally learned my place."

"Bull shit."

Levi looked up, mildly surprised.

"You're not the man I enlisted. The Levi Ackerman I know keeps fighting, even when he knows he's lost. He doesn't let anyone push him around. Where is that man?"

"He's dead," Levi said sharply. "He's dead with _them!_ They're all dead, and it's..." He stopped walking, chest heaving. "It's my fault. All I'm good for is killing Titans. Nothing else matters."

"And when all the Titans are gone, what will you do then? Die?"

"What else is there?"

Erwin slapped him. Not hard, as he had in the stable, but enough to get his attention. "You have no vision of what we're fighting for," he said harshly. "The battle is never for the dead; it's for the living! We honor the dead for what they've done, but they did it for the living. For life to continue - that's our mission. Anyone who values his life as little as you do is a self-pitying ingrate. If all you want is to die, then I'm not fighting for you, and Church and Magnolia didn't die for you. They didn't die for someone as good as dead already."

"Don't you say their names," Levi choked. "Dont..." his legs shook and he sank to his knees on the damp ground. "Don't you dare."

Erwin knelt beside him and set the lantern on the ground. "Levi..." He took Levi's upper arms gently. "You're better than this. You're not a machine; you're a human being, still."

Levi didn't feel like he was crying - he wasn't sobbing or even breathing very hard - but tears were running down his face in hot streams.

Erwin lifted one hand slowly and began wiping the tears away. "The bastards that hurt you aren't fit to serve in my squad," he said quietly. "I'll need your help to figure out which ones are worth keeping. Will you do that much for me?"

Levi looked down. He didn't feel capable of anything at the moment.

"Whatever they said they would do to you, I promise it won't happen. They're never going to hurt you again. And... I'm sorry they got this far. I should have done something sooner."

It was strange to hear Erwin apologize. Levi looked up at him, somewhat confused. "I... I tried to kill you."

"Yes, and fortunately, you weren't successful."

Levi began to tremble. _What's wrong with me? What the hell is happening? Everything's so screwed up..._

"Come on; let's go."

Erwin helped Levi to his feet and the latter walked blindly after his superior.

* * *

 _There's your double helping of angst... you might want to wait a while before you have dessert.  
_


	8. Too Little Too Late

_Finally, 7 reviews! That's more like it. Your enthusiasm feeds mine. Nothing encourages fanfic like reviews.  
_

 _Eren time again. Sorry it's a little shorter. Enjoy._

* * *

Finally, the worst was behind them. Eren could sit up for the rest of the examination. Bradford asked a few more questions and explained what he was doing as he swabbed Eren's arms and combed his hair and sponged his neck.

"That should do it," he said at last, beginning to pack everything up. "You can stay here as long as you want, Eren. Take a nap if you want."

"Thank you, doctor," Eren said, looking small again as he sat with arms folded and legs close together.

"By the way... I met your father once."

Eren looked up. "Really?"

"I remembered a little bit ago - when I was studying medicine, a group of us went to see him give some immunizations. He explained the process to us and all about why immunizations are effective... it was very interesting. Inspiring, for me." Bradford closed his briefcase and gave Eren's shoulder a pat before looking to Levi again. "It will take several days..."

Levi nodded. "I know. Just get it done as quickly as you can. If anyone tries to give you something else to work on, refer them to me."

"Yes, sir."

When the door was closed again, Levi sat closer beside Eren. "Do you want to stay here a while?"

Eren nodded. "Is that okay?"

"It's fine."

"Won't people wonder where I am?"

"Maybe. I'll need to let Erwin know what's going on, and give your friends some instructions to keep them safe; can you stay by yourself while I do that?"

Eren was silent a moment. Then he said slowly, in a low voice, "Yes, sir."

Levi felt a twinge in his chest. He put an arm around Eren and his soldier seemed to collapse against him. "It's all right to be scared," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry... I know I should be fine here by myself..." he shuddered and clung tightly to Levi.

"Something completely unthinkable has happened to you; there's no reason your feelings should be rational." Levi stroked Eren's hair for a moment. "Here," he said, leaning back and taking a knife from his belt. "I don't expect you to need it, but I'll leave this with you. If any of those bastards shows his face in here, you show him this blade and warn him not to come near you. I don't know why they would be in the infirmary, so like I said, you shouldn't need it."

Eren sniffed and took the knife. "Okay. Thanks."

"I'll try to come back soon. Don't leave the room until I come back or send for you. If I send someone for you, they'll give you a password..." Levi looked around the room for inspiration.

"Carla," Eren said. "It was my mom's name."

"All right." He got up and faced Eren, putting his hands on Eren's shoulders. "You'll be all right," he said.

"Yes, sir."

Levi nodded and turned away. He didn't look back as he left the room. If he did, he might not be able to leave.

* * *

He found Armin and Mikasa on the training ground and waited for an opportunity to take them aside without drawing too much attention.

"Do you know where Eren is, sir?" Armin asked. "He wasn't at breakfast..."

"Eren's fine," Levi said, 'fine' being a relative term, after all. "But I have something important to tell the two of you."

The pair focused on him, clearly attentive.

"Someone has been trying to manipulate Eren, threatening to harm you two if he didn't cooperate."

Armin's eyes widened while Mikasa's became hard like obsidian.

"Obviously, the fact that I know about it means that he's not cooperating with them, but that means someone might be looking for an opportunity to come after you."

"What should we do?" asked Armin. "Is Eren in danger, too?"

"I'm keeping a close eye on Eren. You don't need to worry about him. But I want you two to make sure you're always in a group of three or more. If you find yourself under attack, two of you can defend yourselves while the third goes for backup."

"What do we do if we can't find companions without explaining ourselves?" Mikasa asked. "I take it no one is supposed to know about this."

"I hope it will be for only a few days. Once I have proof of what's gone on, I can eliminate the threat."

"Can we do anything to help?"

"Not at the moment. When you see Eren though, please don't ask him to talk about this. The details are confidential, and the threat to his friends has him very concerned. I want to keep him as calm and comfortable as we can."

"Understood."

"Yes, sir," Armin chimed in.

Levi dismissed them. He thought about checking on Eren before finding Erwin, but he told himself that Eren would be all right for a while yet. He was a brave young man, and while support was good, coddling could be harmful.

He found Erwin at the stable, where the inspectors had apparently found something to inspect.

"It doesn't seem like they plan on leaving anytime soon," Erwin told him quietly. "They're really pushing to see Eren in action."

"Tell them it's impossible."

"I tried, but they said they could wait until tomorrow and observe unobtrusively, so Eren won't be distracted by them."

"That _is_ impossible," Levi realized. "If they stay another night, Eren will have to stay in lockup again, and he'll know that they're staying..."

"We could tell him they're leaving in the morning... but if we push him to transform tomorrow, he'll probably know something's up."

"We have another problem."

"Just what we need. What is it?"

Levi looked around to make sure that no one was within hearing distance. "The stationary guard brought in to assist us..."

"I can get them back easily enough."

"No. I don't want anyone but my men guarding Eren."

"Did something happen?"

"Yes."

Erwin turned toward the inspectors and called, "Excuse me for a moment, gentlemen; there's something that requires my attention." He led Levi out behind the stable and a good way from anything that might hide the presence of an eavesdropper. "What happened?"

"I knew something was wrong when I got him out this morning, but I didn't get the whole story until breakfast." Levi looked at the ground, suddenly finding it difficult to speak. Of all people, he should know that Erwin would understand, but somehow that knowledge didn't help much. "The first watch... they raped him."

"No," Erwin breathed. "My god."

"I took him to Bradford right after breakfast. He's still at the infirmary, but the examination is over."

"All right... you did the right thing. I can't believe it... can't believe the lockup is still standing."

"I know. He took so much abuse, but he didn't turn."

"I never thought... it never occurred to me that that might be a concern."

"It didn't occur to me either. We screwed up, sir. How do we fix it?"

Erwin gripped his captain's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "You know better than I do that this can never really be fixed. But we'll make things as square as we can; it's all we can do."

Levi nodded.

"How are you holding up?"

"Me? I'm all right. I'm just worried about Eren."

"I thought you were done lying to me."

"Tch." Levi avoided Erwin's gaze. "I have to be all right. At least until Eren is."

"That could be a while."

"I'll make it."

"If you find that you can't..."

"I know where to find you."

Erwin squeezed Levi's shoulder and dropped his hand back to his side. "Go back to Eren. Stay with him as much as you're able."

"No one else knows... I let Arlert and Ackerman know that something was up and they should be on the alert, but even they don't know the details."

"That's probably for the best, at least for now. I'll do my best to get the inspectors to leave today, but I doubt I can budge them." He sighed. "You're right - we screwed up. Both of us should have known to take precautions. We have to learn from this and do all we can to see that it never happens again."

* * *

 _Planning to bring in some interesting history in the next one - nothing like canon, no doubt, but I hope you'll like it._


	9. What Is Real

_I love it when the review count surpasses the chapter count! Thanks so much for your comments. They keep me going._

 _Another one about Levi; this one longish and a little hard to stomach, but the end of the trauma is in sight..._

* * *

Levi followed Erwin to the infirmary. He didn't have the will to protest that he was all right. Followed Erwin to a curtained-off area. Waited in silence. Didn't look up when a doctor and assistant entered.

"Looks like someone's taken a beating," the doctor observed as he approached them.

"Just a moment," Erwin said. "Before you examine him, I need your understanding that this case is confidential. Absolutely no one is to know the details."

There was a short silence before the doctor said, "All right..."

Levi remained expressionless, but panic was rising inside him. Erwin was going to tell them what happened. He didn't know why he cared, but it made him sick.

"I need full documentation on your exam and treatment. This is a case of rape, and I need your evidence to support my judgment on the perpetrators."

Another, longer silence. "It's a case of... what?"

"He was raped," Erwin said quietly, but clearly.

"Y... you mean... he was forced to have sex with someone?"

"That's what it means," Erwin said, irritation evident in his voice now.

Another silence. "Well... shouldn't he just say 'thank you' and get back to his duties?"

A sudden sound of an impact on flesh and a rattling jaw. Levi looked up in surprise. Erwin had actually punched the doctor.

"If you won't take this seriously then you shouldn't be a doctor at all!" Erwin said, somehow managing to sound like he was shouting even though he had barely raised his voice. "Get out. Send me someone who isn't a complete moron."

"Uh... excuse me, sir," the assistant said meekly.

"What is it?"

"I... I think I can handle the exam and treatment, if that's all right. I'm not a doctor yet, but I will be soon."

Erwin looked at the doctor again. "Go on, get out of here. If you breathe a word of this, you'll be dismissed from the Corps, understand?"

The doctor looked a bit bewildered. "Yes, sir," he said sullenly before leaving the area.

Erwin turned back to the assistant. "What's your name?"

"Bradford, sir. I... I've never done this before, but we do have procedure in place for female rape victims, and I think it should serve the same purpose. Also, if I can obtain samples, we may be able to prove definitely who the attacker or attackers were. There's a cadet named Hanji Zoe; she was studying biology before she joined the Survey Corps. Forensic science is her specialty."

"Can she be discreet?"

"I think so... she comes across a little crazy, but she's very passionate. I'm sure she can keep the details to herself if she understands the gravity of it. She won't even have to know who the victim is, or even why we're comparing the samples."

 _Is that what I am?_ Levi wondered, numbness overcoming the sick feeling. _A rape victim?_ He hadn't thought of it that way, but he supposed there was some logic to it. He wondered who this Hanji was, and if she could really prove Bartlet's guilt.

"I'll need to gather some things," Bradford said. "If you'll just wait here..."

"Go ahead," Erwin said. "Sit down, Levi."

Levi sat on the cot at the back of the enclosure. Erwin sat beside him.

"You... don't believe you deserved this, do you?" Erwin asked after a minute.

Levi shrugged.

"That idiot doctor wasn't right, was he? You didn't enjoy what they did to you."

Levi stared at the floor for a little while and then shook his head.

"You don't want to let them get away with it?"

For some reason the question seemed like a difficult one, but Levi was sure it shouldn't be. "N-no," he said, mainly because it seemed like what Erwin wanted him to say.

Erwin put his hand on Levi's knee. Levi stared at it.

"Sorry," Erwin said, pulling his hand back.

 _Why do you keep apologizing to me? You didn't do anything._

They stayed silent after that until Bradford returned.

"All right, um..." Bradford looked nervously at Levi. "I want to treat your wounds, but it's important to take the samples as soon as possible..."

"It doesn't matter to me," Levi said woodenly.

"Okay. How many... how many people assaulted you?"

Levi tried to answer, but his thoughts seemed reluctant to even process the question.

"Maybe this would be easier if I waited outside," Erwin suggested. "I can make sure you're not disturbed."

"That's a good idea," Bradford agreed.

Levi watched his superior step through the curtain. _Don't go. Please._

"I'm sorry this is so awkward," Bradford said. "Just... try to think of it like any other exam."

Levi stared at the place Erwin had disappeared. He thought he could make out the taller man's silhouette against the curtain.

"So, um... I... was it a man that attacked you?"

 _I wasn't attacked. Why is he saying that?_

"Was it more than one?"

 _"Levi," Farlan's voice said next to him, "tell him about Bartlet."_

 _"He wants to help you," said Isabel._

"It... it was a man," Levi managed. "Just one."

"Okay, that's good. Can you tell me exactly what he did?"

 _Why do you need to know? Why does it matter?_

 _"Big brother," Isabel said in her wheedling voice._

 _"This is no time to be stubborn," Farlan said. "He already knows in general. The sooner you answer his questions, the sooner this will be over."_

"He... had the others hold me down. He said he would suffocate me if I made a sound."

Bradford took notes, looking as uncomfortable as Levi felt. "Did he penetrate you from behind?" he asked, turning red at his own question.

"Yes." He didn't care anymore that this flustered doctor-to-be was learning the details of his ordeal, but Farlan and Isabel shouldn't have to hear it. And his superior officer, so close outside the enclosure, could probably hear most of it, too.

"The others, the ones holding you down, did they touch you in any other way?"

"Yes." He hesitated.

 _"It's all right," Farlan said, putting his hand on Levi's shoulder. "Don't worry about us or anything else."_

 _"Just tell the truth, big brother," Isabel said. She put her head in his lap._

"They fondled my chest. That's the worst they did tonight."

"Have they done this before?"

"Last night they held me while... while the one man beat me with his belt."

"Can you say his name?"

Levi opened his mouth, but no sound came out. _Why the hell can't I say it? It doesn't matter. Nothing will happen when I say it..._

"That's all right; you can report that later," Bradford said quickly. "This beating - that's what happened to your chest?"

"And my back."

"Okay; did they do anything else last night?"

"He... made me pleasure him."

"With your hands, or..."

Levi shook his head.

"Your mouth?"

He nodded.

Bradford took more notes. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, still very red in the face.

 _Isabel was snuggling up to his leg. Farlan was half-draped over his shoulders. "It's okay," they whispered._

"Anything else?"

"The night before that... they held me while he hit me in the stomach. And he kneed me in the groin. Before that, it was just small things... nothing worth reporting."

 _"You did it," Isabel said. "I'm so proud of you."_

 _Farlan gave him a squeeze._

Bradford finished writing and set his notes aside. "All right. I'll step outside so you can undress... just call when you're ready."

Levi watched him go.

 _"You too," Farlan told Isabel._

 _"I wanna stay with brother."_

 _"Too bad. He has to get undressed. Get out."_

 _Isabel pouted, but she left as well._

 _Farlan tugged at Levi's cloak. "You have to take this off."_

Slowly, Levi reached up to unclasp his cloak. He let it fall behind him on the cot. Then he pulled off his boots.

 _"Now the pants, Levi. Come on. It's okay. No one here will hurt you."_

Levi stared at his vision of Farlan. He knew he wasn't real. Was it really safe here? What was real? He could still see Erwin's silhouette, and now Bradford's beside him. If it was really them, and not Bartlet and one of his cronies. A sudden dread crept over him. What if he got undressed only to find himself vulnerable to another assault? "I can't do this," he whispered.

 _"Sure, you can. It's not hard."_

"You don't understand... you're not real."

 _Farlan huffed. "That's not my fault."_

"I know... everything's my fault."

The silhouettes moved a little. Levi swallowed. _Why can't I do it? Damn it... this is so stupid._ The shadows seemed much more menacing than comforting. He knew it was irrational, but he felt completely abandoned.

"Erwin!"

He couldn't remember ever calling his superior by his first name before; it surprised him more than it did Erwin. But there he was, back through the curtain and at his side. Putting his arms around Levi. Telling him it was all right.

"I'm sorry," Levi choked as new tears ran down his face.

"Levi... shh," Erwin soothed him.

Levi couldn't stop. "I shouldn't have lied to you. I should have told you the truth from the beginning. You would have known what to do to help Jan, and Farlan... Farlan and Isabel would still be alive... Oh, god."

Erwin rubbed the back of his neck gently, carefully avoiding the raw stripes left by Bartlet's belt.

"I screwed everything up. I'm sorry. Please... please, don't leave."

"I won't. I promise."

Levi caught his breath, surprised at Erwin's words and how they seemed to reassure him so quickly. Gradually, his breathing returned to normal and he wiped the last tears from his face. "I'm sorry," he said again, looking away. "I'm all right now."

"Still want me to stay?"

"Please."

"All right." Erwin stood by the cot with his face to the wall. "I'll be right here."

Levi shed his remaining clothing quickly and folded it into a neat pile with his cloak. Then he sat on the cot and pulled the blanket over his lap. "I'm done," he said. "Thank you."

Erwin stayed at his soldier's side while Bradford performed the necessary invasive examination, patting Levi's shoulder from time to time but saying nothing. He stroked Levi's hair gently when Bradford's applying disinfectant to his wounds made him squirm and hiss in pain. Finally, Bradford announced that they were done.

"I'm not sure how long it will take to get everything properly tested and documented," the assistant said apologetically.

"Just do your best," Erwin told him.

"You'll also need to get some hair or tissue from the attacker to test them against. I doubt we can identify anyone but the main assailant..."

"I'll be content with that. The Survey Corps governs itself for the most part, and I can decide on how to deal with my men myself, but if anyone higher up questions my actions, they'll want proof. That's the main reason I want this done thoroughly. Otherwise I'd just say to hell with procedure and have everyone in the barracks flogged."

"Mm. It's a despicable thing they've done," Bradford agreed. "I hope I never have to do this again, but I'm glad I was able to help."

Erwin waited patiently while Levi got dressed, and then they went outside. A few steps from the infirmary, Levi leaned over and vomited on the ground.

"If it's all the same to you, sir," Levi said shakily, wiping his mouth on the edge of his cloak, "I think I'll sleep in the stable for the rest of the night."

"Can't say I blame you," Erwin answered.

Levi turned toward the stable, but Erwin stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"I'm not going to let you sleep on hay bales because those jackasses can't be trusted. You can stay in my quarters tonight."

"I... are you sure, sir? That seems..."

"I don't give a damn how it seems. If you want a bed, you're welcome to it. And no one would dare try anything when you're with me."

It was true. Levi took a deep breath and pulled his cloak tighter around himself. "All right. I accept."

* * *

 _Okay, I think we're out of the woods now... that is, the worst of the squicky stuff should be over now. More hurt/comfort to come, though.  
_


	10. Peace And Quiet

_Thanks for all the great comments! Sorry it took a little longer this time. Hope you enjoy!  
_

* * *

Eren was wearing his pants under the infirmary gown when Levi returned. The younger soldier looked relieved to see him.

"Everything all right?" Levi asked.

"Yeah," Eren answered. "Doctor Bradford came back once. He showed me the lavatory and got me some water."

"Good. Armin and Mikasa know to be cautious, but I haven't told them the particulars of what happened. They won't allow anyone the opportunity to catch them unawares."

"Okay." Eren still looked concerned, but less so than before. "Just in case... would you check on them now and then?"

"I can probably do that. Erwin's given me leave to stay with you as long as nothing urgent comes up."

Eren sighed quietly. "I don't know what to do. I feel like I should go out with the others like usual..."

"That's not a good idea. You need rest to make sure you heal and don't strain yourself."

Eren looked down, blushing slightly. He was obviously thinking of what Bradford had told him about probable tearing inside, and how he needed to do his best to discourage infections. "I just feel kind of useless."

"I'm not sure I can help you with that." Levi sat beside Eren again. "If there's anything I _can_ do, just ask."

After a short silence, Eren said, "Well, I do want to take a bath, or at least a shower. But I don't want to run into anyone..."

"The bathroom in the officers' quarters is a lot more private. You can bathe there."

"Really?"

"We won't broadcast it; if anyone finds out you're in there, I'll make an excuse."

"O-okay. Is now a good time?"

"As good as any." Levi got Eren's shirt and jacket off the shelf and handed them to him.

Eren got out of the gown and pulled his shirt over his head before shrugging on his jacket.

"Do you have everything?" Levi asked him.

"Yeah; I think so. Oh, but we need to remember to get my other clothes and sheets to Doctor Bradford."

"We can do that later."

Levi led Eren out of the infirmary and over to the main entrance to the officers' quarters, rather than through his own private door. People would be less curious this way, if they were noticed.

There was no one around inside, and they got down the hall to the bathroom without being spotted.

"Wow," Eren said, looking around. "You actually have individual tubs..."

"Yeah, we're damn spoiled over here," Levi said. "Sorry the tubs aren't curtained off."

"That's okay... as long as you're here, I'm not worried about it."

He had thought his presence was what would worry Eren, but apparently it was just the opposite. He started the water running in the tub furthest from the door. "There's soap here. I'll get you a towel and wash cloth. Anything else you need?"

"Just peace and quiet," Eren said. "Thank you... for all your help."

"There's no need to thank me. Do you want me to wait outside?"

"I'd rather you stayed in here... if that's okay."

"That's fine." Levi went to a shower stall and got out a low stool. Some of the men preferred to sit in the shower, which was understandable for the elderly or those with health problems, but for soldiers, Levi thought it was impractical. Knowing that it might not be completely sanitary, he spread an extra towel over it before sitting down in front of the tub, facing the door.

When the tub was full enough a few minutes later, Eren turned off the water and stepped into its comforting warmth. "I'm in... it's okay if you want to turn around."

Levi turned parallel to the tub so he could still keep an eye on the door.

"This is really nice... I don't think I've had a real bath for years; just showers."

"Like I said, the officers are spoiled."

"Well, I don't know how it is in other squads, but I know our officers work hard. You deserve it."

For a while, Eren's scrubbing the wash cloth over himself and the dripping and quiet sloshing of water were the only sounds. Then Eren said, "I'm going under the water, so... don't worry if I don't come up right away."

Levi glanced at him as he gripped the sides of the tub and moved forward, preparing to lie down. He put his hand over Eren's. "Take my hand."

Eren looked up in surprise.

"I want you to hold it tightly, as long as you're all right."

"C-Captain, I'm not going to try to drown myself."

"Humor me."

Eren let go of the tub and took Levi's hand, not looking at him. "Okay," he said quietly. He took a deep breath and sank back into the water.

Levi watched Eren's warm, damp hand, concentrating on the pressure Eren was maintaining. He began to count and got up to twenty before Eren tugged on his hand to help himself back up. Once he was upright, Levi let go.

Eren wiped at his eyes with his fingers until Levi offered him the dry towel he had laid out for him.

"Thanks," Eren said, pressing the corner of the towel to each eye in turn. He combed his hair back from his face and sighed. "Do I need to get out soon, or...?"

"You can stay in there as long as you want... just don't dissolve."

Eren smiled a little. "Okay."

It was a few minutes before Eren spoke again, tentatively. "Hey, Levi?"

"Hm?"

"Does this... kind of thing happen often?"

 _No. Not in our squad, at any rate... not that I'm aware of._ Would any of those things make Eren feel better about his situation? Or worse?

"It's just that," Eren went on, "Doctor Bradford seemed like he'd done that procedure before. Maybe a few times."

"He has," Levi confirmed.

"For other men?"

"A couple of women. One other man. I wish it were unheard of in the Survey Corps, but to tell the truth, it probably happens more than we know because people are reluctant to report it."

"That makes sense."

"I've thought about taking some sort of preventive action, but I'm not sure what would be effective. I never thought... those men on loan to us-"

"It's not your fault, Captain."

Levi sighed. "I know," he said quietly. "Not directly, at any rate."

After another silence, Eren said, "I'm ready to get out."

"All right." Levi turned toward the door again while Eren got out of the tub, dried off and put his clothes back on.

Eren pulled the tub's plug. "Now what should I do?" he asked. "If I can't train today..."

"You should clean out the tub," Levi said emphatically. "Don't just leave it to drain like that. Do you know how disgusting it is to come along, ready to take a nice bath, and find a lot of residue in the tub?"

"Uh... no, sir. I mean, yes, I'll clean it up," Eren stammered.

Levi waited until Eren completed his task; then he inspected the tub. "I suppose it will do," he said. "It's nearly time for lunch. Come with me."

They ate in the officers' dining room. The inspectors were there, along with Erwin, Hanji and Mike. Levi and Erwin fielded most of the inspectors' questions and small talk, much as Levi despised chatter. At last, they finished and got away again, and Levi took Eren straight to his own sleeping quarters.

"This is... your room?" Eren asked, looking around with an expression of awe.

"This is it." Levi cast his eyes about. Everything was in its place, which was essential for such a small living space. He lived simply, but comfortably. "You can take a nap if you want. You should try to rest."

"I don't think I could sleep right now."

"I'll wager anything my bed is more comfortable than the bunk you've been sleeping in."

Eren smiled slightly again. "Yeah, probably... I'm just not sleepy."

Levi wasn't sure he was telling the truth; he probably hadn't gotten much sleep the night before; but he let it go. "Do you play chess?"

"Mm... not really. I kind of know how, but I'm no good at it."

"How about cards?"

He shook his head.

"Would you like to learn chess?"

"You'd teach me?"

"If you like."

"Okay."

Levi dragged his small table to the bedside. "You sit on the bed," he said, going back for a chair.

Eren pulled off his boots before sitting on the edge of the bed. He waited while Levi got out his board and set up the chessmen.

"Levi?"

"Yes?" Levi answered as he settled into his chair.

"What happened to that other guy... the man Doctor Bradford had to perform the exam on?"

Levi busied himself straightening the pieces so that they all faced front, perfectly in line. "He's still in the Corps," he said at last.

After a moment, Eren asked, "Is he okay?"

 _Am I okay? I haven't really thought about it lately._ "He's taking one day at a time."

"Sounds like you know him."

"I do."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too." Levi looked up. "Ready to play?"

Eren nodded.

* * *

 _Yup, suspenseful angst. You're welcome.  
_


	11. Shock

_Thanks for the continued support! More from the past in this one; a little lighter material.  
_

* * *

Levi didn't spare much time to look around Erwin's room. Once he saw the bed he realized that sleep was all he wanted. He pulled off his boots, tempted to drop them and let them lie where they fell, but instead he set them up by the foot of the bed. He hung up his cloak and pulled off his belt before climbing between the sheets.

Erwin also stripped down to his pants before turning out the light. Under normal circumstances, he probably slept in his underwear as most of the men did, but he undoubtedly wanted to help keep Levi at ease.

They didn't say anything. Slowly, Levi became sleepier in spite of the images running through his mind and the tiny spasms of nausea and anxiety that coursed through his body. He heard Erwin's breathing become slow and heavy and knew that his superior was asleep. He tried to relax systematically: his legs, then his body, his arms, shoulders and neck. He avoided thinking of anything else. Finally, he slipped into sleep.

It was still dark when he woke. Someone had been crying... No, _he_ had been crying. Levi reached up and felt the dried salt on his face where the tears had run down. His eyes were still moist. Someone's arm was around him.

"Are you awake?" Erwin asked quietly.

Erwin... Slowly, Levi remembered why he was in his superior's bed. "Yeah," he answered. "Did I wake you?"

"It's fine."

Levi relaxed again and closed his eyes. After a moment he turned toward Erwin and nestled against his chest. _I don't care. I just don't want to feel like shit anymore._

Erwin moved his hand up to Levi's shoulder and held him gently until Levi managed to get to sleep again.

When he woke again, Erwin was up and getting dressed. He sat up gingerly, wincing at the silent protests of his joints and muscles.

"Good morning," said Erwin.

"I didn't take you for a comic," Levi replied dryly.

The corner of Erwin's mouth twitched. "If you want a shower before breakfast, and I highly recommend it, you can take one here."

"Thank you." Levi looked down for a moment. Being allowed a shower in the officers' quarters would be nice, but... "What about tomorrow?"

"One day at a time."

"All right... what happens today?"

"Today I get to question everyone from your barracks."

"What do I do?"

"Take it easy."

It sounded like a difficult order to follow. Levi wasn't sure how he would keep himself occupied.

"Who should I question first?" Erwin asked.

Levi knew he was indirectly asking who his rapist had been. He still hadn't reported it. He looked at the floor, trying not to let his mind go back to the night before. _Just say it._ He swallowed. "Bartlet."

"All right." Erwin sounded unsurprised. "I'll try to check on you before lunch. You can read my books if you like."

"I don't think I'll be going to breakfast..."

"I can bring you something here."

"And clean clothes?"

"I'll get those now and meet you in the bathroom."

"Mightn't I run into other officers?"

"You might." Erwin thought it over. "All right; wait here, then. I'll go with you and explain if anyone questions it."

* * *

In the officers' bathroom, Erwin hung up his jacket and shirt and got his hair wet so he could stand by Levi's shower and towel his hair when anyone else came in. Two different officers came and went without asking any questions.

Levi's wounds still stung under the hot water, but not as badly as before. He dried off in the stall and got dressed in there as well, to avoid being seen as long as possible. He insisted on taking the time to rinse out the shower before leaving. They managed to get back to Erwin's quarters without being spotted.

"I'm late for breakfast," Erwin said, "but that's a good excuse to take food back to my room. Stay here, all right?"

Levi nodded. He did feel a little hungry, but it was the heavy, near-nausea hunger that made him unsure if it was worth it to eat anything.

He looked over Erwin's books while the latter was gone. Most were on military strategy or biographies of great leaders, but a few were fiction. One, he wasn't sure about - it was in German.

"The Honor Of a Soldier," Levi read the title of one novel. "That's propaganda if anything is..." He flipped the book open and began reading the first chapter. He was surprised to find the style engaging. He took it back to Erwin's bed and sat against the headboard to read. It was a bit predictable: the protagonist was idealistic but loyal to the king. The plot was just beginning to unfold when Erwin returned.

"That's a good author," Erwin said, setting a tray of food on the bed between them. "I haven't managed to find any of his other books; they're a rare commodity anyway, let alone when you're looking for something specific."

Levi set the book aside. "Does he end up dying for his cause in a moment of futile heroics?" he asked.

"I won't spoil it."

"Tch."

They began eating. Levi noticed that the quality of the food seemed a little better than the typical mess hall fare.

"Anything I should know before I start questioning them?" Erwin asked, sounding casual. As if he was asking if Levi thought it might rain later.

"A few of them didn't participate," Levi said, trying to match Erwin's tone. "Some were just spectators. Some stayed out of it altogether; they didn't try to stop it because they knew they'd get the same treatment. Jameson was kind of in the middle. He seemed like he was in favor of it, but he'd sometimes keep them from going too far. He might make a good informant, if you present it right."

Erwin nodded. "Good to know."

"So, do I... just stay in here all day?"

"I'm afraid so. You're in no shape for regular training, and I can't really put you anywhere else without raising questions. We have to wait until this is all settled."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry... it just can't be helped."

"I know. It's not your fault." Levi's hunger had diminished significantly. He toyed with his food, not wanting to finish it but not wanting to seem ungrateful for it.

"It's not yours, either."

Levi didn't answer. Not out loud, anyway. _It's my fault I didn't say something sooner. It's my fault I didn't try harder to fight them. I gave up._

"They won't get away with it. That much I promise you."

Levi nodded. He knew Erwin would do his best to follow through. But he almost didn't care what happened to his so-called comrades. It wouldn't fix things. He just wanted it to be over.

* * *

When Erwin came back a couple of hours later, Levi was several chapters into _Honor Of a Soldier._ Erwin asked if he wanted to know about the questioning and Levi shook his head.

"I still have a handful to get through, but I'll let them wait until after lunch. How are you feeling?"

Levi rested the open book against his chest. "I don't know," he said. "I'm sore... and I feel tired even though I've been resting. It doesn't make sense."

Erwin walked around the bed and put the back of his hand to Levi's forehead. His fingers seemed warm. "Have you been drinking water?" Erwin asked, glancing at the table where a pitcher had sat since breakfast.

"A little."

"Have some more."

Erwin brought a glass to him and Levi drank it slowly. While he did, Erwin took his wrist, clearly feeling his pulse.

Levi paused halfway through the glass of water. "You think I'm in shock?" he asked.

"I'm sure you were last night... stupid of me not to think of it. You still look pale, and your pulse seems slow."

"Well, maybe I am. There's not much more we can do about it."

"I could get you some tea."

Levi perked up at the suggestion. "Earl Grey?"

"I think we have some."

"That would be good."

"Okay." Erwin relaxed his hold on Levi's wrist and gave his hand a small squeeze before letting go completely. "I'll see what I can do."

Levi finished drinking the water and set the glass aside. Then he lay down on Erwin's bed and pulled a blanket over himself. If he was in shock, he needed to rest. He closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing steady until Erwin got back.

He wasn't sure how long it had been, but he didn't think he'd quite gotten to sleep when Erwin brought his tea to him.

"Sorry, we were out of Earl Grey," he said. "Is peppermint all right?"

"That's fine." Levi took the cup and noted the tea's near-white shade. "There was milk, too?"

"Real milk," Erwin confirmed.

"Nice. Thank you." He sipped the tea, inhaling the steam. "It's good."

"Good. You drink that and take a nap if you can. I'll bring you something else to eat in a little while."

"I'll need to take a piss before I can sleep."

Erwin snorted. "Need me to take you?"

"I think I'll be all right."

"OK. Keep your head down and I'll be back soon."

Levi nodded. _The worst is over, isn't it?_ he thought to himself. _Why do I feel like it's still coming?_

* * *

 _Sorry I've lost some of my rapid-update steam... real life stuff going on. But I shall try to continue soon.  
_


	12. Stronger

_Thank you for your patience. Here's the next chapter... involves a little angst and a little fluff. Enjoy._

* * *

Eren wasn't a very quick learner at chess, but Levi reminded himself that they had plenty of time; in fact, wasting time was a good thing at the moment. Their conversation was restricted to the game, and Levi hoped it would stay that way.

Finally though, Eren seemed to become overwhelmed. He sat back and stared at the chessboard as if he didn't know what it was at all. "Are the inspectors leaving soon?" He asked.

"I don't know. I hoped they would leave today, but... Erwin said they might stay overnight."

"Does that mean... I'll have to..."

"I'll make sure anyone guarding you is trustworthy. Even if I have to do it myself."

"Okay."

Levi got up to go sit by Eren on the bed. "How are your wrists?" he asked.

Eren pulled back his sleeves. "Better. It just looks like a scar now. It'll probably be gone soon."

"Good. How does the rest of you feel?"

He stretched a little. "Quite a bit better. I could probably do some simple training now."

"Maybe, but I'd rather keep you out of sight for the time-being."

"Yeah... I just don't want to get out of shape."

"You'll catch up."

Eren didn't answer.

"Listen, I should go check on some things... will you be all right for a while?"

"I'll be fine."

Levi patted Eren's shoulder and left without another word.

* * *

Hanji was suspicious about Dr. Bradford's requests, and Levi's visit seemed to increase her suspicions.

"What exactly is this for?" she asked him.

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it does! When I do research, I want to know what I'm researching. Some of this material is Eren's, I know that much. I've looked at his cells under a microscope too many hours not to recognize it right away. So, who are the other specimens from? They seem to be normal human males..."

"The more you try to figure it out, the more it's going to drive you crazy," he said. "Just get this done as quickly as you can. Do figure out who, though... that's the part we're mainly interested in."

She scowled at him. "Sure, I'll figure it out. But why are you and Bradford playing detective? And what does semen have to do with fighting Titans?"

Levi kept a straight face, but not without difficulty. "I believe you were informed that the details were confidential, so please stop trying to coerce me into breaking protocol. It's very bad form; looks bad on your permanent record, too."

"Sure, sure. But you know what this reminds me of? It reminds me of before Bradford was a doctor, when he asked me to identify a soldier by his genetic makeup and next thing I know that soldier is being dishonorably discharged and half the soldiers are being pilloried..."

"You exaggerate."

"Whatever. You were here then, right?"

"Yes... I was still fairly new."

"They never officially said what the crime was, but the gossip was that the discharged soldier had raped one of his comrades, and the others were all involved somehow."

"Hanji?"

"What?"

"You shouldn't listen to gossip. Next time it could be about you."

"You're seriously no fun for a five-three captain."

"You're remarkably tedious for a female scientist."

"Aw, you say the sweetest things."

"Shut up and get back to work."

* * *

Levi returned to his quarters to find Eren curled up on his bed with a book next to him. He sniffed as he looked up at Levi; then he laid his head down again.

Levi closed and locked the door and sat on the edge of the bed. He moved his hand slowly up and down Eren's arm. Now and then Eren sniffled or shed a tear.

Finally, Levi said, "It's going to hurt a long time."

Eren nodded.

"It will never get completely better. But it will get better. I promise."

Eren shifted and Levi helped him to sit up, letting him move into a hug. Eren was so hunched over that he could nestle against Levi's collarbone, his head tucked under his captain's chin. Levi rubbed his back and stroked his hair and waited.

Eren's shallow breathing got stronger and at last he spoke. "Levi?"

"Yes."

"You said that other soldier was still in the Corps..."

"He is."

"Do you think... it would be okay to talk to him?"

Levi hesitated. He wanted to tell Eren it wasn't a good idea, but then he would practically be lying. Eren didn't need to be lied to right now.

"It doesn't have to be directly," Eren went on quickly. "I was thinking I could write an anonymous letter to him, and then he could write me back and then maybe we could talk if he's okay with it. D-do you think that would be all right?"

Briefly, Levi considered humoring this idea. He could tell Eren a little about his experience without revealing that it had happened to _him..._ But then he dismissed the notion as cowardly and selfish.

"You've already talked to him, Eren."

"I have?"

"Yes." Levi rested his cheek on top of Eren's head.

"Do you mean..." Eren's breathing was speeding up again; Levi could feel his heart pounding now.

"Yes. It was me."

Eren squirmed, but Levi held him tighter, so he couldn't lean back to look at his face. Eren gave up and leaned against him again.

"I'm sorry. I... shouldn't have..."

"It's fine." Levi inched a little closer and shifted Eren to a more comfortable position. They stayed that way for several minutes until Levi was confident that he wouldn't cry and relaxed his hold.

"How do you..." Eren started in a low voice. "Do you ever get scared?"

"Sometimes," Levi admitted.

"How do you get through it?"

"I remind myself of what's around me, and I make myself stronger. I can't be sure it won't happen again, but I know that it's unlikely - much more so because I've trained myself to be alert and how to fight. I have the advantage of knowing that I lived through it once; life doesn't end when your consent is taken away."

"I just couldn't believe how they... they acted like it was fine..."

"Most rapists don't go into it believing that they're bad people. They find a way to justify it in their minds."

"They... there could be more of them... just waiting for the right chance... It could happen to anyone." Eren's voice cracked with strain.

"It could. That's another advantage you and I have. Those it hasn't happened to don't understand how vulnerable they are. They don't understand that the careless things they do or say could be assisting someone in choosing their victim. A lot of times there's no way to predict who they will go after, but you can lessen your risk by not spending a lot of time on your own, and by learning to fight hand-to-hand. Also doing your best not to make enemies or talk carelessly about sex. There's no guarantee..."

"But it helps not to be stupid," Eren muttered. He sighed heavily and burrowed into Levi's neck.

"I know you didn't do any of those things, and even if you had, this still wouldn't be your fault. Even if you act foolishly, you're not asking for someone to hurt you, and those who take advantage of you still have a choice to make. Understand?"

Eren nodded. "What will happen to them?"

"If they were in our squad, they'd be dealt with very harshly. We'll do what we can to see that they are anyway, but there's a little bit of diplomacy we have to work through since they're from the Stationary Guard. We have to have some proof in addition to your report."

Eren's arms tightened around Levi's rib cage. "Will I have to talk to anyone else about it?" he asked.

"You might. We'll try to keep you out of the process as much as we can, but I can't promise."

He gave a sigh that was halfway a whimper. "I just... I probably won't have to work with them, and... can't we just..."

"Eren, if we let the three of them get away with this, at least one of them is likely to go on to do it again."

"But... they did it to me because I'm a Titan."

"They did it because they were afraid and it made them feel stronger. Desire for control has a powerful allure. Someone else could give them the same feeling."

"Yeah... you're right."

"You're not in this alone." Levi leaned away and put his hand to the side of Eren's face. "We have the advantage now. You'll come out of this stronger than you were before, just like I did."

Eren's eyes filled with tears again. "Thank you." He put his hand over Levi's. "Can you teach me? How to fight better, I mean. They taught us some, but..."

"I can teach you." Levi brushed away the tears that had spilled over onto Eren's cheeks.

He sniffed. "Okay. Thank you. You know... you're nicer than most people think you are."

"I know."

* * *

 _There you go. Don't forget to review!  
_


	13. Above the Storm

_At last, a new chapter. Thanks for sticking it out. This might be the last flashback chapter._

* * *

The day dragged on. Erwin brought lunch to Levi with a vague update of how things were proceeding. Later, he came back again to report that he had finished the interviews and was ready to begin planning his course of action.

"Did... did Bartlet have anything to say?" Levi asked quietly, not looking Erwin in the eye.

"He denied his involvement at first," Erwin answered. "I explained how likely it was that his confederates would implicate him, and how it would be better to come clean, and then he admitted to being the instigator."

"He's not sorry, is he?"

"Not beyond being sorry he was caught, I don't think."

Levi nodded.

"I'll make him sorry."

"Does that really matter?"

"It doesn't to you?"

Levi thought about Bartlet asking his forgiveness and it sickened him. "It might matter if I could see him dead." _Then at least I'd feel safe._

Erwin sat beside Levi and looked solemnly at him. "You know that once a person is dead, they can't say, do or even think anything anymore... good or bad."

"I know."

"Bartlet may still prove valuable to the military, if he has any character at all to build on. And if he's dead he can't regret anything. Can't see the effects of what he did wrong. Can't loath himself for it. Frankly, death is too good for him, and too much a waste for our cause."

Levi didn't look at Erwin while he made this speech; he stared at nothing and waited for him to finish.

"Now that he's been caught, he could turn around and become a model soldier. We can't know."

"I don't care about all that," Levi said quietly. "I don't care if he lives or dies or turns into a useful soldier or hates himself... I just..." Tears burned his eyes and he stopped abruptly, wishing Erwin would stop looking at him. He took deep breaths and forced himself not to blink, hoping his tears would evaporate before they had a chance to fall. "I don't want to see him anymore. I know it's childish... but I don't want to see him ever again."

Erwin put his arm around Levi's shoulders and Levi pressed his face into his leader's jacket, letting his tears seep into the tan fabric. Erwin held him in silence a while, reaching up to run his fingers over the short hair at the back of Levi's head.

Finally, Levi sat up and murmured, "Sorry."

"For what?"

"For..." He swallowed. "For being so cowardly."

"I don't think you're cowardly. I think you've been damn brave about this. Some of those cadets... I'd be sending them home to their mothers to live a quiet, miserable life after something like this. They think they're brave, but very few have any real mettle."

Levi huffed. "I haven't got any mother to be sent home to, so I guess you're stuck with me."

"Looks that way."

* * *

It was a solemn day for Erwin's squad of the Survey Corps. Three soldiers were given forty lashes, five more given twenty, and one of the former received a temporary discharge. He would be allowed to return to the military in six months, should he prove himself reliable in training again. If not, his discharge would become permanent, and recorded as a Dishonorable Discharge.

Jameson was among those to receive twenty lashes. Erwin had suggested going easier on him, since his testimony backed up by Hanji's physical evidence was what had convicted the others. But Levi pointed out that leniency would make it obvious that he had betrayed his fellows, and make him the new target of their hatred.

The remainder from Levi's barracks had received stern warnings in private, and the entire camp had been warned of the consequences of mistreating their fellows after witnessing the fate of Bartlet and his followers.

The corporal punishment was one of the most uncomfortable times of Levi's life. Standing at attention, pretending to be no more or less ashamed of his comrades than any of the other soldiers, wishing with his very soul that he didn't have to be there... that he could be anywhere else. He didn't care to see Bartlet flogged. He wanted him to be gone. Soon he would be, but not soon enough.

When the ordeal was over, Erwin instructed his soldiers to carry on as they had before, not bearing grudges or spreading gossip. It was a tall order, but for the most part, the soldiers rose to the task. Few asked who the victim had been, and no one answered. No one spoke to Levi about the incident - no one except Mike, the night after what became known for a couple of years as "the Pillory."

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry," Mike said shamefacedly when he found Levi alone in the stable. "I wanted to do something, but I was afraid. I was a coward."

Levi looked at Mike's guilty, worried expression. "I don't think you're a coward, Mike. I think... you're strong and smart, but you don't have confidence in yourself. I didn't either... I stopped caring what happened to me. I know better now." He looked up a little timidly at the taller man. "I'm guessing you've learned from this, too."

Mike nodded. "I won't hide while my comrade is under attack," he vowed quietly. "Never again."

It was the most Levi had ever heard Mike say in one interview. "I believe you." Levi offered his hand and Mike shook it firmly. "It seems I've doubled my number of friends tonight. Now I have two." ... _again. I have two again,_ Levi reminded himself. Those two would have his back no matter what came next. He was sure of it.

* * *

Months went by. Soldiers were killed and replaced. Only a handful who had witnessed Levi's mistreatment remained. For the most part, they avoided him, speaking to him only when absolutely necessary, but very slowly the estrangement began to wear off. Then Erwin was made commander over the entire Survey Corps, and things changed drastically.

Levi knew he would carry his regret for the rest of his life, but he was determined that there would be no new ones. With Erwin in command, he felt they finally had a real chance to turn the tide on the Titans and take back some ground. Killing Titans was all that brought him any satisfaction, but he would not be truly satisfied until they were all dead.

Then one day, Erwin sent for Levi. He had just been on the training field, keeping his muscles and reflexes in peak condition, and he was hot, dirty and tired.

"Come in, Levi," Erwin greeted him. "Have a seat."

Levi gratefully settled into the chair across from Erwin's desk.

"I've been commander a few weeks now, and it hasn't taken me long to see how incompetently my predecessor managed everything."

"We knew that already."

"True, but it wasn't just pigheadedness; it was also a lack of delegation."

"Laziness?"

"Something like that. There's too much for one man to oversee. A lot of areas got neglected because the former commander couldn't handle everything and didn't assign anyone else to handle it for him. That's why I've decided I need a second-in-command. I've already gotten approval to appoint a captain."

"That's uncommonly intelligent of the higher-ups. Do you have someone in mind?"

"Definitely."

At the over-dramatic pause, Levi protested, "Don't screw with me, Erwin. I'm not a leader."

"Yes, you are."

"I lead people to their deaths."

"You won't win any medals for inspiring morale, that's certain," Erwin said with a grim smile. "But you're realistic. You know when to take risks and when to cut your losses. You have the highest kill rate of the year, and you weren't even in the Corps at the beginning of the year. You're my strongest soldier, and frankly, the only one I can trust with this kind of responsibility."

"If you're trying to guilt me into taking the job, it's not going to work. I'm already carrying the weight of so much guilt, I won't even notice if you add a feather like this."

"I can make the appointment mandatory; refusal would be direct disobedience to orders."

Levi looked up at him blankly. It seemed he wasn't going to escape the position.

"But I don't want to do that," Erwin added. "You're the man for the job. I really believe that. But if you think there's someone better suited, point him out to me."

Jameson had been killed in the last patrol; the only other person Levi had any respect for was Mike, and Levi knew he was too soft-spoken to command the others. He closed his eyes and sighed quietly, murmuring, "Oh, god..." He slowly got to his feet. "Fine. Tell me what I have to do..."

Erwin stood and came around the desk. "Thank you. I'll announce your promotion tonight. For now, all you have to do is get used to the idea that you're no longer a regular enlisted soldier, and that you'll be relaying a lot of my orders. Oh, and you'll need to move your things into the officers' quarters."

Realization swept over Levi and he looked up into Erwin's face. He was sure that Erwin wanted a captain regardless of his situation, but knowing that he would be an officer - that he wouldn't have to live in the barracks anymore... His throat tightened and he thought he might be trembling a little. He put his arms around Erwin and leaned against his chest.

Erwin hugged him back and they didn't move for some time. Levi knew they wouldn't talk about what had happened ever again unless he brought it up first, but it was enough to know his commander would never forget, and that he would understand how he felt and not reprimand him for this breech of decorum.

Pulling away at last, Levi said, "Thank you, sir. I'll get settled right away. And... I'll return that book to you. I kept forgetting..."

"Keep it," Erwin said. "I don't have anything to give you on the occasion... or anything denoting your status, for that matter."

"That's unnecessary, sir. You haven't altered your uniform to denote your status; I don't need to, either."

"All right. I'll collect you for dinner and make the announcement at the mess hall. Then you'll come back and dine with me and the other officers."

"Yes, sir." Levi saluted and left the office. He wasn't looking forward to the awkward transitions ahead, but he couldn't move out of the barracks fast enough.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment.  
_


	14. Status Quo

_Thanks for the comments! Sorry, "Guest," but I'm not planning an epic make-out scene... I'm not against them (as my other stories make clear lol) but that's not what I envisioned for this particular story._

* * *

That evening, Levi gave Eren the bad news:

"They're staying until tomorrow. They're still hoping to see you transform."

Eren twisted the hem of his shirt nervously. "What if I can't?"

"Frankly, I'm just as concerned about what they'll think if you can. The worst part is, you have to pretend you don't know they're still here."

"Yeah... that won't be easy."

"It's that or acting like you 'accidentally' figured it out somehow."

Eren grimaced. "Yeah, that would be harder. I'm a bad liar. Mikasa always said so... so did my mom."

"We'll take you out away from HQ tomorrow morning. Hanji will be there, and one or two others. Erwin will see about getting the inspectors where they can see without being seen. We just have to pretend we're not being watched."

"Okay."

Levi put his hands on Eren's shoulders. "If we do this well, they'll leave tomorrow. Then things can go back to normal." Not back to how they were... Levi knew that wasn't quite possible. But the status quo would be restored.

For some reason, Eren felt the need to hug him. Levi didn't think he had said anything in particular that should have upset him, but he didn't question it. He rubbed Eren's back slowly as Erwin had once done for him. He wasn't tall enough to rest his chin on Eren's head, so he nestled against his neck.

"When this is over," Eren said slowly, "then... we can't talk like this anymore, can we? I can't..." He took a few quick little breaths through his mouth.

"This kind of intimacy between an officer and his subordinate has always been inappropriate, Eren." The cadet was starting to feel uncomfortably warm in his embrace, but Levi didn't let go. "What the hell makes you think it would stop for any particular reason when it never should have started to begin with?"

An uncomfortable silence followed, stretching perhaps half a minute.

"A-are you saying..." Eren stammered.

Eren was slow on the uptake. It seemed that Levi's ability to communicate with Erwin without words was not universal. Or maybe that had been Erwin's talent and not his. He sighed. "I'm not known for conforming to rules. If this is what you need to get through a day, then so be it."

Eren seemed to relax instantly. "Thank you, sir," he whispered.

* * *

"Jean? Really?" Eren asked Levi in a whisper.

Levi was taking him back to the lockup, Kirstein leading the way.

"I asked for volunteers," Levi explained. "Bott volunteered first..."

Eren rolled his eyes. "So of course Jean wouldn't be able to sit by and not find out what was going on..."

"I know the two of you aren't good friends, but he is your fellow soldier. I hope you don't let petty differences screw up your ability to work together in the field."

"We don't. I don't hate the guy... he just rubs me the wrong way, I guess."

"I'm sure the sentiments are mutual."

Levi knew he couldn't be as intimate with Eren since Kirstein was present, but he took his time putting Eren's manacles in place, careful not to cause him any discomfort. He gripped his shoulder briefly before leaving the cell. "Good night, Eren."

"Good night, sir."

He had brought the chessboard, and there was a pack of cards on the shelf, well-worn from many nights of past guard duty. Levi set up the chessmen and Kirstein sat across from him.

"So, why all the precautions, sir?" Kirstein asked quietly, so Eren wouldn't overhear. "Has he... gotten more dangerous, or...?"

"No," Levi said, not looking up. "He's only as dangerous as he ever was." He finished aligning the game pieces, white on Kirstein's side. "The precautions are to please the inspectors, who believe Eren to be more dangerous than he is. You get the opening move."

"Y-yeah... I've played before." Kirstein looked at the board only a few seconds before moving one of his knights. "So, once they're gone, things will be back to normal?"

"As normal as they usually are around here." Levi moved a pawn forward two spaces.

"What else are we keeping from the inspectors?"

Levi met his eyes for a moment with a cold stare. "There's nothing wrong with being inquisitive, Kirstein. But your implications are a bit on the insubordinate side."

"Sorry, sir." Kirstein turned his attention back to the game and made a hasty move.

"To answer your question though... a hell of a lot."

The cadet looked up in surprise.

"In general, we're left to govern ourselves, and that's how we like it. But every now and then, they like to come around and breathe down our necks. So, rather than take the chance that they'll tell us we _can't_ do something, we just hide the fact that we're doing it until they leave us alone again. _Comprendez?"_

Kirstein nodded.

"Good. So keep your head down and your mouth shut, and everything will be fine." Levi moved another pawn up one square behind the first.

"Yes, sir."

Kirstein was no chess expert, but at least Levi didn't have to keep explaining the rules as they went along. He beat his subordinate soundly, having half his men left when the other was down to his king, a bishop and a blocked pawn.

"Looks like I need more practice," Kirstein said.

"We have plenty of time. Play again?"

"All right."

* * *

A couple of games later, Kirstein was clearly tired of playing, but he didn't concede the game. Levi was glad - it wasn't any fun winning if your opponent gave up before you finished. His knight was wandering around the board like a hit man, taking out Kirstein's pieces with no resistance, when Eren began to groan quietly in his sleep. His chains rattled as he turned over.

Kirstein looked over at Eren's bed, looking a little confused and wary.

"He's dreaming," Levi said simply, knocking over a hapless pawn with his knight.

"Mm." Kirstein distractedly moved his rook. It was actually a decent move, though Levi doubted it was down to more than luck.

Eren's sounds of discomfort grew into unmistakable fear, and then intelligible words. "No... No, please..."

Levi pushed his chair back and went to unlock the cell door. He was aware of Kirstein standing behind him, but the cadet didn't follow him into the cell. He efficiently covered the distance to Eren's bed and took his subordinate by the arm.

"Eren," he called firmly. At first, Eren seemed not to hear him. He was panting hard, sweat causing his hair to cling to his face. Levi brushed his hair back and called him again.

This time, Eren's eyes opened and locked on his face. "Captain?"

"I'm here," Levi confirmed, releasing Eren's arm to rub his chest lightly.

"Mm..." Eren reached up to grip Levi's forearm, the cold manacle brushing against it.

"You're safe. No one's going to hurt you. Go back to sleep, all right?"

"O-okay." Eren curled up as much as his chains would allow.

Levi pulled the blankets up To Eren's chin and smoothed back his hair one more time before leaving his side. He closed and re-locked the door.

"What was that about?" Kirstein asked, looking very baffled and perhaps a little embarrassed. "He's so damn tough all the time..."

"Eren's been through hell," Levi answered simply. "He's faced things you don't even want to know about."

They went back to the table and sat down.

As he studied the remaining pieces, Levi said, "This is one of those things you shouldn't talk about to anyone... least of all him. Understand?"

"Yes, captain."

"Good man." Levi made his move. "Check."

* * *

Around three in the morning, Petra and Bott came to relieve them.

"He's asleep," Levi told Petra quietly. "So try not to disturb him."

"All right," she answered. "Good night, captain."

The soldiers saluted each other, and Levi led Kirstein back toward the barracks. "Thank you for your time, Kirstein," he said, when they were ready to part ways.

"Not at all, sir," Kirstein answered. "Good luck with the inspectors."

Levi nodded and walked on to the officers' quarters.

His room seemed particularly empty now. The bed was still unmade; Eren had been napping in it off and on all day. He quickly tucked the edges of the covers in again. Moving around to the far side of the bed, he pulled the covers up to reveal the book still sitting where Eren had left it. _Which one did he end up reading?_ Levi wondered. You could tell a lot about someone by their taste in books, assuming they had any to choose from.

Of course. It was _The Honor of a Soldier._ Levi wasn't sure what it was about this book that had drawn both his and Eren's interest in their darkest moments... perhaps the idealism that had been shattered for them. He opened the back cover and turned over the last page.

 _"Years have passed, and fewer know the spot now. But Clancy's sons will always know it, returning generation after generation, paying homage to the reason for their survival while others have long forgotten. He would not have had it any other way. Such was the honor of a soldier."_

He set the book aside, thinking of Eren and himself, and how he doubted anyone would remember them long after the war. That was probably good. If they survived, he would want to disappear quietly, and he was sure that if Eren didn't feel the same, he would before his time as a soldier was over. Sometimes it was best to be forgotten.

* * *

 _I know, I got kinda bittersweet there. Sorry. It's not over yet. ^^ Thanks again for all the comments; please continue.  
_


	15. Duty and Responsibility

_We're almost at the end now. I hope you've enjoyed the turbulent ride. I enjoyed writing Hanji in this one; hope you like her interaction with Levi.  
_

 _Nothing explicit in this one... just a little Titan-grossness... and saliva. xp_

* * *

It took Eren a while to calm down away from headquarters. Levi knew it would be a struggle for him to relax, knowing the inspectors were watching, and he tried to be patient.

"Just knock over a tree," Hanji said carelessly. "Just a little one."

Levi shook his head. "Concentrate on what you want to do," he said more seriously. "All you have to do is one thing. Think of it like it will be easy."

Eren nodded and lifted his hand, but Levi stopped him.

"Using your teeth makes messy abrasions. Here." He pulled a knife from his boot and held it out to Eren.

After a little hesitation, Eren flicked the knife open and made a small cut near his thumb where he usually bit himself. Then he folded the knife and handed it back, putting his cut hand to his mouth to suck on it and ease the stinging.

Levi put his knife away and backed away from Eren, more to reassure his subordinate that he wouldn't hurt him accidentally than because he felt afraid. It was also good to put on a decent show for the inspectors...

"Zoe, move the hell back," he snapped at Hanji, who was hovering a mere two meters from Eren.

"Aw, come on shorty, I'm all right!" she sang with irritating flippancy.

"Shut up and move back!"

She took a single step backward, saying to Eren, "It's all right, darling - whenever you're ready!"

Levi did not take well to being ignored. He fired off one of his wires and it whizzed past Hanji to lodge in the ground.

"Whoo, temper, temper!" Hanji exclaimed.

But Levi wasn't done. He dodged to the side and fired his second wire, which crossed over the first.

"What are you... No! You wouldn't!"

"The hell, I wouldn't!" Levi began to reel in the wires - slower than he normally would, but still fast enough to send Hanji running (and squealing) back toward him.

"All right, all right! What are you trying to do? Kill me?!"

"You might end up dead if you stay out there - might as well take the chance!" he retorted.

Just then, a cloud of steam erupted around Eren and a hulking Titan emerged from it. The kid had taken the opportunity of his superiors' bickering to dispel his performance anxiety. That was good... now if he would only stay under control.

Hanji hopped over one of the wires and more-than-sportingly untangled Levi's hooks from one another before creeping closer to Eren.

Levi reeled in his wires the rest of the way and focused on the fifteen-meter teenager. Eren didn't seem to be moving. He also didn't seem to be the fully-developed Titan that had carried a boulder to block the wall breech. Most of his body's muscles were exposed, and his hair was short.

Hanji drew breath to call to him, but Levi stopped her with a sharp, _"Wait!"_ that even she couldn't ignore.

They waited a very long minute or so; then Eren finally put one foot in front of the other.

Levi's adrenaline was spiking but he forced himself to take slow, measured steps in Eren's wake, and for once Hanji seemed to be keeping her head as well.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. One would expect Levi to be used to the thunderous footsteps of Titans by now, but somehow knowing that this one was actually his soldier made it twice as intimidating. He had a duty to this soldier and a responsibility for him - oddly, two separate notions. He had a duty to use his judgment in Eren's best interest, and a responsibility to stop him from doing any harm.

Eren stopped by the little stand of trees in a hollow at one side of the open plain. Hanji still refrained from calling to him, but Levi could hear her muttering under her breath. Then silence. It stretched on and on, perhaps longer than the quiet before Eren had started walking. Finally, one enormous arm rose and pressed against a tall deciduous tree.

Levi held his breath, waiting until the tree bent under Eren's titanic strength and broke with a crackling _SNAP._ A sound like rushing wind followed as thousands of leaves brushed by the branches of other trees and then swayed upside-down, dusting the ground.

He let his breath out. "Okay... come on, now..."

The Titan didn't move. Levi actually started counting this time. He knew he was probably counting faster than the actual seconds ticking by. He quit after one hundred.

"Eren!"

He had been distracted and not quick enough to cut off Hanji's call this time. He cursed under his breath as he started jogging toward her. She was already a good deal closer to Eren than he was.

"That's a good job, Eren!" Hanji said, ignoring Levi's urgent approach. "Now, go human again!"

"'Go human again'?" Levi demanded when he was close enough. "You think he understands that at this point?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. Eren! Come on, sweetie; you're done!"

Levi clamped a hand over her mouth, though he knew it was really too late. All he got for his trouble was a licked palm. "You disgusting moron!" he growled at her.

She pointed upward and Levi followed her gaze, wiping his hand on her uniform absentmindedly. Eren was looking at them.

Slowly, Eren shifted his feet until he was facing them. Levi's heart was pounding. _Am I a fool to keep standing here?_ he wondered. He glanced up at the trees for good anchor points and then returned his gaze to Eren's face, keeping mindful of the giant limbs in his peripheral vision. Eren stooped down, and Levi and Hanji instinctively took a few steps back.

"Thaaaat's right," Hanji crooned. "Goooood booooy..."

"Oh, god," Levi muttered. "Shut. up."

From his stooping position, Eren stared at them longer, as if he didn't know what to make of them. Then he slowly reached toward them with his right hand.

"Eren!" Levi barked sharply, and to his mild surprise, the hand halted. The staring continued. Five seconds... ten... "At ease," he said, forcing his voice to sound calm. "You can stand down, son." He was all but panting now, the excess adrenaline becoming far more a nuisance than an aid at this point.

Eren blinked at him; then the hand descended... and hit the ground in front of them with a loud plop. Steam began rushing from his body.

"Oh, thank god," Levi breathed.

"Yippee!" Hanji crowed. "He didn't try to kill us!"

"Shut the hell up!" It was good to have someone to throw his extra energy at. "Come on, help me get him out."

With the help of their gear, the two scouts leaped atop the disintegrating Titan and slashed at the sides of its neck, careful to cut around Eren and not hurt him.

"I see him!" Hanji said excitedly.

"Yeah, I see him too. You don't have to yell." Levi reached into the steaming-hot hole and wrapped an arm around Eren's torso.

"Oopsie... I think its head is about to fall off."

"Make sure it goes to the side, will you?"

Hanji obligingly leaned against the Titan head and soon it toppled to the side.

The hole was getting wider every moment, and soon Eren's head and shoulders were clear. Levi felt as if his arm were being boiled in a kettle but he held on.

"Give me a hand, will you?"

"I think the body's gonna fall back, captain."

"Then _give me a hand! Now!"_

Hanji reached in on the other side and together they pulled Eren's hips clear.

What was left of the carcass was indeed falling. Levi didn't blame Hanji at all when she jumped away from the scene with a little yip (well, he could have done without the yip); her instincts were just keeping her safe. He was the dumb-ass who refused to let go of Eren and crashed to the ground with him, one leg and gas tank half crushed by Titan-shoulder. His head hit the ground, too, but fortunately they weren't on rocky ground. Something hit him hard in the ribs - Eren's head, he realized a moment later. His shoulder was a little sore... other than that, he seemed all right. He sat up enough to get an elbow under himself. It didn't seem like he had any broken bones.

"Okay, captain?" Hanji asked, for once sounding genuinely concerned as she looked down at him.

"I'll make it. How's the kid?"

Hanji felt for the pulse at Eren's neck for a few moments and then jerked her hand back. "Yie - hot as a teapot, but his pulse is strong... and fast. You'd better get out from under him if you don't want to roast alive."

"Thanks for the advice, four-eyes. Care to help me? Or are you just going to stand there like a damn commentator?"

* * *

In the end, Levi found that he hadn't broken or even sprained anything, though he would have a shit-ton of bruises and a few scratches, and a mild burn was already in evidence on his forearm. Eren seemed none the worse for wear; Levi had broken his fall. Once he slept for a few hours, he awoke with a healthy appetite.

"What happened?" he asked Levi before taking a big spoonful of soup.

"You don't remember?"

"Mm-mm." Eren swallowed. "But I guess it didn't go too bad...? I mean, you look okay."

"Hanji lost a leg."

"What?"

Levi smirked. "Everyone's fine. It went as well as we could hope, actually. The inspectors were... I suppose it wouldn't be too optimistic to say impressed. I'm sure they don't care to get close to you anytime soon, but it looks like we passed their little test."

"So, they're gone?"

"Yes."

Eren sighed. "Good." He went back to eating.

"Mikasa and Armin were here earlier. I'm sure they'll want to see you again soon."

"Okay. But what did happen? Did I knock over a tree like Hanji said? It seemed kind of silly, but that's what I was thinking about when I transformed."

Levi summarized the incident, downplaying his injuries. They were minor, anyway. There was no need to distress Eren over them... but this notion was undermined soon enough.

* * *

 _Minor emotional cliff-hanger. The Titan-shifting part took longer than I thought it would. That's my excuse.  
_


	16. I'll Be Here

_This one is longish because it's the last chapter. I probably could have divided it in two, but I wanted to hurry up and finish this. Thanks so much for reading and being patient when I needed a break. I may have reused some lines from other stories... I don't know. xp When I think of something that resonates with me I tend to reuse it a few times. A word of warning: the ending is probably painfully sappy. lol_

* * *

Dr. Bradford paid a visit a few minutes later. Eren looked nervous to see him, though he greeted him politely.

"How are you feeling?" Bradford asked.

"Okay, I guess," Eren said. "I'm not in pain, but I feel a little sick."

The doctor nodded and came to feel Eren's forehead with the back of his hand. "You don't feel feverish. Are you nauseated?"

"A little. But I just ate."

"Mm. Stress can do a lot of things to both your mind and your body. It will take a while to get back on track."

"Do we have to do any more tests?" Eren asked, looking anxiously at the bag Bradford carried.

"No. I'm actually here to see Levi."

"We can talk outside," Levi said quickly.

"I think we'll be more comfortable in here," Bradford insisted. "Would you sit down so I can have a look at your head?"

Levi sighed and did as he was asked as Eren inevitably began making a big deal of it.

"W-what happened to your head?"

"It's nothing," Levi said. "Just a little bump."

Bradford lifted the longer hair at the back of Levi's head and looked at the swollen spot near the edge of his undercut. "It's already starting to go down a little," he reported. "You can put a cold cloth on it to help it along, though, and it will help with the pain, too. Roll up your sleeve, please."

Woodenly, Levi unbuttoned his cuff and rolled his sleeve up to reveal the burn on the inside of his forearm.

Eren gasped. "How did that happen?"

"I got careless," Levi snapped. "Should have let you find your own way out of your Titan form, but I thought I'd reach in and grab you."

Eren got quiet after that, not speaking while Bradford treated the burn and a few of his worse scratches.

"I would advise you to keep those clean, but as it's you I know that's unnecessary," Bradford said as he put his equipment away.

"Thank you," Levi answered stiffly. "Now, before you go, will you please tell my subordinate that I'm not badly hurt so he can stop worrying?"

Bradford smiled, turning to Eren. "He'll be fine," he said. "None of his scratches were deep, and his burn is superficial as well. I know the bruises are already starting to show, but they shouldn't hurt anymore after a few days."

"So there's nothing to worry about," Levi added.

"No, nothing to worry about."

Eren sighed quietly. "Okay."

When the doctor was gone, Levi went to sit beside Eren again.

"This isn't your fault," Levi said, not beating about the bush. "I made a bad call. It happens."

"I know," Eren answered meekly. "But you were trying to help me."

"Next time I won't. Happy?"

Eren looked away with a little sigh. "I'm sorry," he said.

"I don't want apologies for something you had no control over. It's illogical and a waste of time."

"Y-yes, sir."

* * *

Levi ate dinner quickly and went to the enlisted men's mess hall to wait for Eren to come out. When he did, Eren was with his friends. Levi observed them, following at a distance as they walked along. Eren lagged behind them a little and then stopped altogether.

Mikasa turned to look back at Eren. "Aren't you coming?" she asked. Then her eyes fell on Levi and she involuntarily straightened a bit, putting her shoulders back.

Noting her new attention to her posture, Eren and Armin looked back and also saw Levi. Armin reacted as Mikasa had, but Eren's expression merely turned from miserably subdued to hopefully subdued.

"At ease," Levi said dryly as he approached them. "Jaeger, I want a word."

Eren stepped aside with him. "Yes, sir?" he asked quietly.

"You don't have to sleep in the barracks tonight if you don't want to."

"I had kind of hoped... I wouldn't have to," Eren admitted hesitantly. "But I wasn't sure... if I should go back to your quarters, or...?"

"I can give your friends an excuse."

Eren immediately looked less tense. "Thank you, sir."

Levi went with Eren back to the others. "Jaeger will have to stay in the officers' quarters tonight," he told them.

"Is he still in danger?" Mikasa asked.

"There is still some risk, but it will also look better to the officials if Eren sleeps closer to me, since I'm responsible for him."

"I thought you wanted them to think he was locked up every night," said Armin. "If they're still watching procedure..."

"This morning's demonstration got them off our back a little bit. But between them and this threat, it's best to keep him closer to me for now."

"How long?"

Levi glanced at Eren. "We'll take it one day at a time. Probably not long."

Armin sighed. "Well... I'm glad we're taking precautions. Thank you, sir." He turned to Eren. "Good night, then..."

"Good night," Eren answered. He gave Armin a brief hug and then gave one to Mikasa. "Night, Mikasa."

"Good night, Eren."

As the pairs parted ways, Levi saw Eren glance back at his friends.

"You haven't told them," he said quietly.

Eren shook his head. "I can't. There's nothing they could do - it would just make them feel bad."

"Maybe." Levi kept silent until they reached his office. Then he asked, "Do you think you'll be up for training tomorrow?"

"I think so," Eren said, but he sounded weary.

They got ready for bed and it wasn't until Levi was ready to put his lamp out that Eren looked at him hesitantly and asked, "You don't mind sharing with me?"

"No." Levi blew out the lamp and walked around to the far side of his bed so Eren wouldn't have to traverse the unfamiliar floor in the dark. He climbed into bed still half-clothed, figuring Eren would be more comfortable if he didn't undress any further.

He heard Eren pulling off his shirt in the darkness before he got into the bed. It was wide enough that they could just lie side by side without touching.

Levi waited for Eren's breathing to become deeper, but although he lay still, it seemed the younger man was having no luck getting to sleep. Finally, Levi broke the silence. "You know... I understand that you want to spare your friends. But someone once told me that joy shared is joy doubled and sorrow shared is sorrow halved. I don't know them as well as you do, but... I think they would want to know."

There was silence again for a moment, and then Levi heard the heavy breath of someone trying not to let his crying be heard. He reached over slowly until he found Eren's arm; then his subordinate rolled toward him and put an arm around his waist.

"I don't know how to tell them," Eren sobbed, pressing his face against Levi's shoulder.

Levi put his arm around Eren's shoulders and waited while he felt hot tears hitting his skin and cooling as they rolled down against his neck.

"I'm sorry," Eren whispered after a few moments. He sniffed. "I... wasn't going to cry anymore. I-I got my tears on you... sorry."

"Eren... shut up," Levi said in a surprisingly gentle tone. He stroked Eren's hair slowly. "It's okay."

Eventually Eren's breathing calmed again, but he didn't move. He lay with his face nestled against Levi's neck, his heart against Levi's heart.

Levi kept running his fingers through Eren's hair as his eyelids began to droop. He wasn't sure if Eren was still awake, but he said softly, "I want you to know that this is always okay. Maybe you'll do all right for a few days, or weeks, or even months, and then find that you need someone to lean on. If you do, I'll be here. And I won't ask questions. And as long as you wait for a tactful moment, I won't complain about it. All right?"

Eren drew a deep breath and nodded minutely. Maybe he was half asleep. Maybe he wouldn't remember it in the morning.

Levi shifted slightly, working his left arm into a better position under Eren's stomach so it was less likely to lose circulation and so his burn wasn't being pressed too hard. Then he leaned his cheek into Eren's hair and closed his eyes.

* * *

In the morning they didn't talk much. Eren bathed in the officer's bathroom again and came back to Levi's quarters before breakfast.

"I'm going to tell them," Eren said. "At least... I'm going to try to. I don't know when I'll get the chance."

Levi nodded. "If I can help you arrange the right circumstances, let me know." He looked toward the small mirror on his wall and lifted his chin to tie his cravat.

"Okay. Thank you." Eren moved toward the door and then paused. He glanced back at Levi and then at the floor before walking back toward him.

Levi gave up the tying of his neck-wear for the moment and opened his arms as Eren came within his reach. They stood in a silent embrace for what seemed like a long time... and far too short a time before Eren pulled away again.

Eren left the room without another word, leaving his captain to finish his morning routine and go to breakfast.

Later in the day, Levi saw Eren with his friends on the training ground. From their movement and expressions, he guessed that Eren had not yet shared his secret, but that he had told them something to the effect that they needed to discuss something when they had the opportunity. If they still appeared not to know by sunset, he decided he would find some task to set the friends to work on together.

However, when the troops headed toward the mess hall for dinner, Levi did not spot any of the three. He ventured into the enlisted men's area and scanned the tables, but still saw none of them. Satisfied, he returned to the officers' mess. He would have someone take food to them later. All that remained was for Eren's attackers to be punished.

* * *

It took a couple of weeks for everything to be made official, but not as long as it might have in the old days. The men who abused Eren so shamefully were dishonorably discharged and sent to prison to serve a sentence of several years which could not be appealed. The one who had served as lookout was given an unwanted position in a division far from the Survey Corps. Rumor had it he would be leaving the military soon, though not forcibly like the others.

Levi watched Eren closely, but not intrusively. He knew that the young man's friends were a better support for him now. Eventually, they went on patrol again. Eren was able to perform with competence; Levi thought he feared the Titans less than ever, though he feared his fellow man more than he used to. More hand-to-hand lessons were helping with that, albeit slowly.

After that first patrol, all seemed normal. Things had gone to plan for once, and they had lost no lives. The soldiers were allowed to sleep in the next morning, and even Levi himself slept a good nine hours. He had just gotten dressed for the morning when someone knocked on his office door. When he found that his visitor was Eren, and that he seemed to have nothing to say, Levi stepped aside to let him enter and closed the door behind him.

"Captain, I..." Eren faltered and swallowed.

Understanding at once, Levi put his arms around Eren. Eren sighed and rested his head on the shorter man's shoulder. "Thank you," he whispered.

Levi moved one hand slowly over Eren's back. "Take as long as you need," he answered.

* * *

It was months later, when the weather turned cold, that a much-anticipated supply delivery finally came to the Survey Corps headquarters. Levi oversaw the unloading of the wagons himself, though from a distance. The soldiers had been living on corn and beans for far too long, and someone (namely Sasha) might be tempted to try stealing some of the foodstuffs as they came in.

As the visiting couriers folded up the tarpaulins which had covered the supplies, Levi thought he recognized their overseer. He stared at the man until he was certain. It had been many years, and the man looked different - smaller, he thought somehow, though no shorter and not much thinner. When his gaze was caught, he did not look away, though he felt the reflex to do so.

The man straightened a bit and then squared his feet to give Levi the salute that was now so familiar to him. His impulse was to give it in return, but his gut told him not to. His heart screamed at him to not only ignore this man's salute, but to attack him. To put him in his place, a place where he could do no harm ever again.

Stiffly, Levi raised his arms and returned the salute. _I will never forgive you. But there's no point in telling you that. No point in both of us continuing to suffer. Go your way. Forget me, as I can never forget you._

In what seemed only a moment, the wagons were pulling away again. Levi turned and walked back to the officer's quarters, not to his own office, but to Erwin's, remembering a promise that had been made to him years before.

 _"This will always be all right. We never have to talk about it again, but if you need this in a week or a year, I'll be here. I hope you understand that."_

 _I thought I wasn't going to cry ever again._ Levi took a deep breath, swallowed the lump in his throat and slipped into Erwin's office without knocking.

People always said that Levi was expressionless, unreadable. But somehow Erwin knew the subtle differences, and the moment he saw Levi's face he came out from behind his desk to take his captain into his arms and hold him as long as he needed.

 _He doesn't ask me what's wrong. He doesn't tell me it will be all right. He's just here. And thank God he is._

He wasn't going to cry, and yet there were tear stains soaking into Erwin's jacket. _Damn it._ "I'm sorry."

"Levi... shut up."

Levi closed his eyes and felt his tension and misery soaking through Erwin's jacket along with the tears. Shared; halved. "Thank you."

* * *

 _That's the end. Sorry it took so long to get the last part up. I know some of you were holding out hope for some romantic stuff, but that's not what this was for. Maybe another time. I've written so much smut... lol Anyway, please let me know what you thought of the story over all and the end and all that. I appreciate your comments.  
_


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